


From Here to Now to You

by MstngSali1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-03-10 11:10:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 45,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3288107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MstngSali1/pseuds/MstngSali1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if you woke up in the Winchesters' universe with no memory of your own?</p><p>This story came about because I wanted to be in the same universe as Sam and Dean. It was supposed to be just for my own amusement. I was encouraged to publish it by the best beta in the world, MoniJune. So, here goes... Hope you enjoy. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Beeping. All I heard was beeping. You know, that really annoying sound of medical equipment. Had to mean I was in the hospital. On the plus side, the aggravating noise wasn't urgent. That meant I was alive.

Listening intently, I could hear the soft squeak of tennis shoes on shiny floors and quieted voices. The customary hustle and bustle of a hospital floor was absent. I was either in the ICU or it was nighttime... or both. 

Deduction by sound was all well and good but observation by sight would have been preferable. However, my eyelids would not cooperate. That was when I noticed the rest of my body was not interested in moving either. A spark of fear began to grow in my stomach. What if I was paralyzed? Being trapped this way would be a new flavor of hell. Fear turned to panic as my thoughts began to race. Just as I heard the beeping increase with my heart rate, there was movement on my left. 

"She's awake," I heard a warm, masculine voice say softly but with authority.

Squeaky footsteps came quickly and the man's voice whispered in my ear, "You're going to be ok."

For some reason, the soothing tone calmed me immediately. Another voice, this one female, asked me if I was in pain. I tried to answer her but was unable. The nurse, in her best "there, there" voice informed me that I was badly injured and was being given medication so I could not move. 

That was a relief. At least it wasn't permanent. The nurse voice then told me she was giving me something to help me relax. I desperately wanted to hurl a million questions at the voice. Where was I? How did I get here? Who was the man next to me?

The effects of the medication were dragging me back to unconsciousness. I did my best to fight but it was useless. I decided to go with the undertow for the time being and rest. I heard myself sigh and started to drift. 

The waves were about to take me when I realized two things. One, I had absolutely no clue who I was and two, I knew the voice of the man next to me. I'd known it for years. I'd fallen asleep to it more times than I could count. 

My last thought before the darkness took me was... How is a fictional character in my hospital room?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added a second chapter as the first one was so short... Enjoy!

I awoke again to the damned beeping. This time the sounds were louder. Some laughter mixed in with the squeaking. I was guessing it was daytime. First thing on my list was to open my eyes and much to my surprise, they cooperated. 

Things were really blurry. I hoped my eyesight was not damaged. Remembering the soothing, velvety voice that had calmed me in the night, I looked to my left and was not surprised to see the outline of a man. 

"Hey," the fuzzy outline said, "How are you feeling?"

It was the same voice. But that wasn't possible. He wasn't real. I HAD to be hallucinating. 

"I'm going to get the nurse," he said. And when he stood, I knew he wasn't a hallucination. Even out of focus I knew who he was. 

Ok, I don't know who I am but I remember a character from a TV show? Yeah... ok. 

I heard his footsteps fade as he walked and something occurred to me. He's the actor that plays the character. Wow. That would have been really embarrassing. 

His fuzzy outline and footfalls returned, "The nurse and doctor are coming. Tell me how you feel."

"Not sure," I replied. My throat was dry so it was more of a croak than anything. "Jared? Why are you here?"

"Jared?" he replied. "I'm sorry. My name is Sam. Sam Winchester."

I felt my chin drop. Just as I was about to call him mean ass liar, the doctor and nurse came in. They assessed my condition, took vitals and such, all while "Sam" stood in the corner. I still hadn't gotten a good look at him. My vision was still very blurry. 

I asked the doctor about it and he replied with a smile in his voice that I had no head injury. Apparently, I wore contacts but they were removed when I was brought in. That line of questioning brought the doctor to the realization that I didn't remember who I was. Tests were ordered, the doctor left and the nurse went to get the medications he had prescribed, leaving me alone again with "Sam".

"You're Sam Winchester?" I asked him with obvious sarcasm and disbelief in my voice. 

"Yes, I am. You act like that's not possible."

"That's because it's not possible. 'Sam' is a fictional character. And I happen to think it's a shitty thing to do to someone in the hospital."

He walked from the corner to the chair next to the bed and sat, "I'm a fictional character? I'm beginning to wonder about the head injury diagnosis. Wait a second? You know who I am?"

Sighing, and realizing it hurt to do so, I answered rapidly, "Yes, I know who you are. You're Sam Winchester, the youngest son of John and Mary Winchester. Your older brother is Dean. Your mom died in a fire in your nursery when you were six months old. Your dad was killed by Azazel, the yellow eyed demon, in a deal to save Dean's life. Judging by your haircut, you are in season eight."

"How do you know all of that?" he said with disbelief mixed with fear. 

"Jared, please drop the act. My body aches and I'm really not in the mood for this. What in the hell are you doing here anyway?" 

"Dean and I found you in the barn, injured. We brought you here." His cell phone rang. He answered it and walked out of the room. 

I took advantage of the time alone to analyze what was going on before the nurse came back with meds that would surely knock me out. Jared/Sam was playing the part perfectly. Well, he is an actor. 

This little voice in my head said quietly, "Maybe he is Sam."

"That couldn't be possible. Sam is a character on a TV show. It isn't real."

"Maybe here, it is. You might not be in Kansas anymore. Or maybe you are?"

My blood chilled as I talked to my inner self. What if I am in a different "place" where Sam and Dean are real? Dean and Sam came into our universe once. Why couldn't I go to theirs? I strained hard to remember anything before waking up in the hospital but there was nothing there. I knew what a hospital was. I knew the universe where Sam was from like the back of my hand. But I couldn't remember what my name was or how I landed here. As I saw it, I had two choices, rail against the idea that he was telling the truth and was actually Sam Winchester or accept it as a possibility and go with it. It's not like I was in a position to be on my own. And besides, where Sam goes, Dean surely follows. Oh holy shit, I hadn't even thought about Dean. 

That wasn't exactly true. His face and voice haunted my dreams. How many pictures did I have of him/Jensen on my phone? Obsessed doesn't really cover it. What I had failed to consider was that if Sam was really Sam, then Dean would eventually show up. And I would get to be near him. The thought actually made me dizzy. 

And as if on cue, the nurse came in with medication. It ran through my veins and I let it have me. My brain was overwhelmed. I'd worry about this mess when I woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise you this is going somewhere... :)


	3. Chapter 3

As I awakened a third time, there was no beeping. Not a good sign when you are looking for an indicator of whether you are dead or alive. I opened my eyes to semi-darkness in the private hospital room. The walls were a dingy white. The clock on the wall read 11:47. Judging from the lack of light coming in from the window, it was P.M. Other than a door on the north wall and an antiquated TV, there was nothing remarkable about my surroundings. The fact that I was able to see the details of the room jogged a memory from my previous period of consciousness. My vision was no longer blurry. Either I did have a head injury and it was on the mend or they had put my contacts back in. I was banking on the latter. 

I decided to do a quick assessment of myself to figure out how badly I was injured. Toes and fingers wiggled so that was a relief. My midsection stung and there was a tugging of skin with every deep breath. Apparently I was operated on. There were no casts or splints of any kind, just lots of bandages and shallow cuts. I wondered where they came from. 

I also remembered that Sam had said that he and Dean had found me in a barn. Why was I in a barn? That didn’t sound like the kind of place I was inclined to be. Admittedly, my memory was a hot mess but when one is in this type of situation, relying on intuition is usually best. 

My train of thought was derailed by a snort coming from the side of the bed. Startled, I gasped deeply and paid the price. My stomach felt like it was on fire. I moaned and the snorer woke from their nap. 

“Hey. You ok?” the voice said. The pain was forgotten when I realized who owned that raspy, gorgeous voice. Did I dare open my eyes?

Before I committed to the act of looking at the most perfect face on mother earth, I wanted to confirm what personality belonged to it. 

“Dean?” I whispered, “Is that you?”

The voice chuckled and said, “Yeah, in the flesh.”

Wow. That was a poor choice of words as the images in my head turned my blood into molten lava. 

Time to put on my big girl panties and open my eyes.

He was sitting in a high backed chair next to the hospital bed, leaning toward me, elbows resting on his knees. His head was tilted to the side, crowned with unkempt, dirty   
blonde hair. Dressed as I had come to expect, his body was accentuated by the tattered jeans, tight black t-shirt, and green plaid over shirt that covered his lithe frame. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a dark olive jacket hanging on the back of the chair he sat in. 

Waiting as long as I could, I finally looked at his face… and was lost. Even high definition television did not do this man justice. Between the sculpted cheek and jaw bones, the sensual lips, and the freckles sprinkled across his nose laid sun-soaked, stubble covered skin. But the most striking thing about this beautiful man had to be his eyes… a bottomless bottle green, accentuated by the color of his shirt. They were full of so much… pain, age, worry, fear. But they were also full of strength, hope, intelligence, bravery and most of all… caring. It was the last emotion I saw that took my breath away. Although he was on guard, as I was sure he would be, he cared about what happened to me. It felt as though we had spoken an entire conversation with one look. I was overwhelmed. 

This was the Dean I remembered. The one who loved Sam and believed that Sam would die for him. The cocky, broken man I had fallen in love with.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, still leaning toward me and looking deep into my eyes. 

How was I feeling? Truth be told, my brains were scrambled mush. I couldn’t have made a coherent sentence if I was pressed to do so. So I did the only thing I could manage. I shrugged.

That appeared to be a good enough answer for him. He stood up and reached across me to get the button to page the nurse. As he leaned over, I realized he smelled exactly like I had always imagined… hotel shampoo, gun powder, leather, and sweat. It was a heady combination and made my toes curl. My imagination was wandering into places it shouldn’t have been considering the circumstances. 

The speaker behind the bed crackled. “Yes?” the nurse asked.

“She’s awake,” Dean told her, “and appears to be in pain.”

“I’ll be right in.”

Satisfied, Dean leaned back in the chair, stretched his legs in front of him and waited for the nurse to show. If I could have spoken I would have asked what happened to me and where Sam was but my mouth was having no part of it. So I continued to stare at him, honestly scared that he would disappear in a puff of smoke. Someone that beautiful just cannot exist. It’s against the laws of nature. 

He answered my stare with a level headed gaze, never looking away from me. His look was far from hostile though, quite the opposite actually. His expression betrayed nothing but his eyes were full of concern and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on. 

The nurse picked that moment to walk in and I was grateful to have an excuse to look away. Without her questions I would have continued to stare at him like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time. 

After she took my vitals and asked if I needed anything, she gave me a shot of something that immediately relaxed me, but didn’t knock me out right away. Mumbling under her breath, I heard her say she’d forgotten one of my meds and she’d be right back.

I watched her leave and then turned my attention to the ceiling. I knew what would happen if I looked at him again and was unprepared to make a bigger ass out of myself than I already had. 

He leaned forward again and I heard him say softly, “Don’t worry. You aren’t alone in this. I’m gonna help you.”

Looking at him again, I was astounded to see the caring in his eyes was more intense and a resolve that turned the warmth to ice in milliseconds. 

The nurse and her perfect timing took that moment to return with my last medication and administered it into my IV. The fog rolled in and this time, I didn’t want to slip into its embrace. I wanted more time with Dean. I wanted to know he was going be there when I woke up. 

As though he was reading my mind, he whispered, velvety soft into my ear, “Sleep, Sweetheart. I’ll be here when you wake up. That’s a promise.”

The last vestiges of the world dropped away and the last sensation I felt before I succumbed was the warm, calloused fingers of Dean Winchester wrapping around my own.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean was there when I woke up, as he promised. He was asleep, his head lying on the side of my bed, still holding my hand. As soon as I moved, he let go and left the room.   
Weeks passed. The periods of consciousness were becoming longer and more frequent. The pain was subsiding as well. But none of my memories returned. I didn’t even know my name. The hospital had me registered as Jane Doe, which was so clichéd it was ridiculous. In a fit of boredom, Sam suggested using a random baby name generator so they wouldn’t have to call me Jane. After laughing for an hour or so, we came up with Summer. I thought it was a stripper name but Sam said that the room was warmer to him when I smiled. How could I argue with that?  
I spent most of my waking time with Sam. He scoured the internet for information about me while systematically trying to awaken some memory from my past. I found out from him that he and Dean were following a lead on Kevin’s whereabouts just outside of Douglas, Minnesota, when they found me, unconscious, in an empty barn that had a person sized hole in its rotten roof. I had suffered massive internal injuries and was covered in splinters and scratches but no broken bones, which was strange to say the least. The surgeons removed my spleen and repaired my lacerated liver but my recovery was going well. Neither of them had any idea how I had come to be in their universe. 

Dean kept his distance after that night. He would come and sit with me in the evenings, sleeping in the chair by my bed. He rarely talked to me. He would just sit and watch TV or stare out the window, lost in his own thoughts. I could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves. What had happened after our first meeting to cause such hostility? When I finally got the courage to ask Sam about it, all he did was shrug and make his “sturgeon face”, which was helpful.   
Talking to Sam was a strange experience. I knew pretty much everything about him but he knew nothing about me. So I asked random questions that left him completely stunned most of the time. One afternoon, I started asking about Lilith and setting Lucifer free. Sam was engrossed in his laptop, of course, researching a case he and Dean were working on.

“Sam, may I ask you a question?” I began. I always started a conversation about his past this way. 

Looking up from the computer, he replied, as always, “Sure.”

“Something just occurred to me. Do you remember the voice mail Dean left you right before Ruby slaughtered Nurse Baby Blood?”

He visibly winced but nodded.

“I know this is a sensitive subject but I think there’s something you don’t know. Dean did leave you a message, but it wasn’t that one.”

His eyes widened and he tilted his head to the side, a gesture I knew was a mixture of shock and curiosity. “What?”

“Dean left you a message apologizing for what he said to you. Zachariah changed the message to goad you into killing Lilith. They manipulated you from the jump.”

Sam’s lips tightened into a thin line and his eyes filled with pain. Of course he knew he was controlled, but he had no idea that Dean tried to mend fences. He lowered his head for a few minutes, staring at the floor. When he raised his head again, there were tear streaks on his cheeks and relief in his eyes. He stood, took two quick strides and kissed me on the forehead with gratitude. 

“You will never know how much that means to me to hear what you just said. I would call you an angel but I wouldn’t want to insult you.” he smiled, “I promise you, no matter what happens, I am going to do everything I can to find out what happened to you.”

The statement rang as true as anything Sam Winchester ever says. I didn’t doubt for a second that he meant every word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry these chapters are so short. Like I mentioned, in the beginning, this was written just for me so I wasn't too interested in chapter length. They do get longer as the story progresses. Promise. :)


	5. Chapter 5

The day had finally come. I was being released from the hospital with a relatively clean bill of health. I was still as clueless as I had been when I woke up there but my internal injuries were basically healed. The neurologist had given the boys instructions to try and “jog” my memory by taking me to places that might be familiar. I just smirked. How was I supposed to tell him I was from a different universe where my caretakers were characters from a TV show? That would have landed me in the cracker factory. 

Sam decided and Dean concurred that I should stay at the bunker until I was completely healed. They knew it was safe there and I had no arguments. The bunker I saw on TV was cool as hell and as far as I could tell, they didn’t know about some of the rooms I knew about already. I couldn’t wait to show them the dungeon.

The air outside the hospital was sultry. It had to be late spring or early summer. Rain was threatening as Sam pushed me out the front door. When I saw her sitting by the curb, I sucked in a surprised breath and whispered, “Oh my Chuck.” I had no idea why it never occurred to me that I would be leaving the hospital in the Impala. Dean opened the rear door and helped me out of the wheelchair into the back seat. She smelled of leather conditioner and gun powder. It was such a wonderful smell that it triggered a brief glimpse of a classic car from my past. I gasped as Sam was climbing into the front seat.

“You ok?” he turned to ask.

I shook my head no and tried to recall more of the memory. Nothing else would come. “I remembered something.”

Dean turned also and stared with curiosity. “What was it?”

“I remembered a car. She smelled kinda like Baby. It was a yellow Corvair with black leather bench seats. ’67, I think. I was playing in the back seat but she wasn’t moving.” I sighed with frustration, “There’s nothing else. Dammit.”

Sam replied soothingly, “Hey. It’s ok. At least you remembered something. Try to recall some more detail, not necessarily more of the memory. What were you playing with?”

I closed my eyes and focused, “It was a model car. Bigger than a Hot Wheel. It was a midnight blue ’68 Mustang fastback. It was my favorite toy.”

“Good taste. You know your cars,” Dean said appreciatively. 

“Was it during the day or at night? Was it hot, raining maybe?” Sam prodded gently.

“It was daytime and hot. Really hot. The seats were scorching to the touch.” I was struggling hard to remember. “I was sitting on an orange, red and brown chevron striped blanket.” 

“What were you feeling?” Sam asked.

I delved even deeper into the brief vision. “I was happy because I had my car. But I was scared when he started yelling.”

Dean, caught up in the moment, questioned, “Who was yelling?”

Opening my eyes, I looked at Sam with fear in my heart, “My dad. He was yelling and I was terrified. That’s… that’s all I remember.” 

I didn’t want to go any further into the memory so I turned to look out the window, kicked off my shoes and wrapped my arms around my knees. Dean started the car and the gentle rumble of the engine soothed my ragged nerves. I tried to shove the memory back in its box but the sense of fear remained. If this is what my life used to be like, did I really want to remember anymore? With that thought repeating in my mind, I fell asleep with my head against the window.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up when the roar of the engine slowed. Dean was pulling over for gas. I rubbed my eyes, stretched and winced. Sam turned around in the seat, flashed me a half smile, and asked how I was doing.

“Ok, I guess. The back seat is bigger than I expected.” I returned the half smile.

Sam gave me a knowing look, “Time for a pain pill?”

“Yeah,” I sighed, “staying curled up like that might not have been such a good idea. How long was I asleep?”

Sam shrugged, “About three hours.” He got out of the car, opened my door and helped me out. “Stretch your legs. I’ll get you some water to take your meds.”

“Thanks Sam.” I replied with gratitude.

Dean was standing by the back bumper, pumping gas. After gently stretching out the kinks, I turned to look at him. The streetlight played off his profile, causing his hair to glow like a halo. Even in poor, halogen light, he was stunning. 

Glancing my way, he nodded and said, “You doin’ ok?”

“Yeah, Dean. I’m fine. Just a little sore.” The silence was awkward. I turned to look at the Impala. She was so beautiful. Stroking the quarter panel, I muttered under my breath, 

“She’s an amazing machine. Pretty much the only lady you could ever count on to be there, no matter what.”

He looked up in surprise. Of course I knew how Dean felt about Baby. She was the only woman he would ever truly love. She never let him down. And I was glad he had her to fall back on.

“The mixture is a little rich. There’s a slight flutter in the carb,” I commented to no one in particular.

“Yeah, I’m gonna work on it when I get her back to the bunker,” Dean answered, “Wait, how did you know that?”

I smirked at him, “I have ears, Dean. It’s not rocket science.”

He tilted his head and smiled, like he does when he’s impressed. He inhaled as though he was going to say something else but Sam returned with my water. Nice timing, Sammy, I thought. Dean was finished filling up so Sam helped me back into the car. He handed me a bottle of water and a pain pill over the seat. I gulped it down and was settling in to take another nap when I heard Dean slam the trunk closed. He opened the rear door and handed me two blankets. I accepted them gratefully as the night air had gotten chilly. I wrapped myself up and lay down across the back seat, using the folded blanket as a pillow. Even through the fabric, I could still feel the vibration of the Impala rumbling up the road against my cheek. Better than being rocked in a cradle. I closed my eyes and drifted peacefully into a deep sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad that the last chapter was quite short so I added a bonus chapter!!! :)

I woke to the morning sun shining through the window on to my face. I had no clue where we were and honestly, I didn’t care. I could have happily spent the rest of my life in that car, crusing the back roads of America. 

I sat up, stretched, and was surprised to find Sam driving. Dean was sleeping soundly with his head laid against the back of the seat. He looked so peaceful it was hard to believe that he was the same man who had seen all the evil that accompanied being a hunter. 

He didn’t look like the same man that had gone to Stanford to get Sam. Admittedly, he was nine years older but his eyes didn’t sparkle with mischief anymore, just misery. Yeah, he smiled, but it never reached his eyes. The crinkles around those eyes were deeper, the pain of the life he lead etched into his skin. He put on a good show but I knew things about him Sam didn’t even know. I knew he was defeated and I knew it was going to get worse. 

They hadn’t started the trials to close the gates of hell yet. Dean did not know that Sam was going to take on those trials, not him. He didn’t know that those tests would damage   
Sam to the point that Cas couldn’t even heal him. That if the trials were completed, Sam was going to die. I knew that even taking on the trials would ultimately kill Sam. I knew that Dean would take on the Mark of Cain without knowing the terrible consequences and that the Dean I loved would cease to exist. 

Then I realized that I did know these things. I knew how this was going to play out. I could stop it. I could point them in the direction that would lead them away from the anguish they were about to go through. I could save Sam and stop the angels from falling from heaven. I could stop Dean from needing the Mark of Cain. I had that power in my hands. 

Maybe that’s why I was here. To stop the boys from taking the path they had taken before. To change the fate of the Winchesters… to change the fate of their world.

Wow, I thought. I need some advice. The only “person” I knew who could help me was Cas. However, I didn’t know exactly where we were in the timeline right at that moment. 

After all, I had changed things already just by being there. I didn’t even know if Cas was still in purgatory. I decided that I would glean as much information as I could from Sam when we got to the bunker. I could talk to Sam without having to play twenty questions with Dean. 

Then it hit me. I realized that when Cas got out of purgatory, he was being controlled by Naomi. If I were to reveal to him what I knew, I could be in danger from her. Oh shit, I know where the angel tablet and the other half of the demon tablet are. Naomi is just one of the problems I have to worry about. 

“Sam,” I said quietly, “how long until we get to the bunker?”

He looked in the rearview mirror and smiled, “Couple of hours. You ok?”

I faked a smile and said, “Yeah. Just wondering.” Hurry Sam, please hurry.


	8. Chapter 8

When we pulled up to the bunker, I was not surprised to find it looked exactly the same as on the show, except it was actually in Kansas instead of Canada. Again, Sam helped me out of the car and inside. Their sense of relief at being home was palpable. I had to admit knowing I was safe was making me feel a lot better. I understood I had to come clean about what I knew but I was still unsure what to do about it. Then there was the issue of not knowing who I was. Yeah, that was definitely a problem. 

Dean decided to make a supply run. “Anything special you would like, Summer?”

“I honestly have no idea, Dean. As long as you have hard liquor I think I am good.”

He smiled, shrugged on his jacket and walked out the door. I was about to look at the extensive library shelved along the walls when I heard Sam call me.

“Hey Summer! Would you come here for a second?”

I rounded the corner to see Sam standing in front of a closed door. He was looking down and shuffling his feet. 

“This is your room. I asked Dean to get you some things that might make you feel at home and he kinda went overboard. So, give him some credit for trying, ok?”  
Sam pushed open the door and stepped back so I could go in first. The room was similar to Dean’s in dimension and appointment but it honestly looked like a flower shop had exploded inside. There was flowered bedding, flowered wallpaper, flower pictures, flower rugs and flowers in vases. I smiled in spite of myself and realized Dean was simply going on what he knew about women… which was apparently nothing. I guess that year he spent with Lisa was a complete waste. Even though the room looked hideous, it smelled wonderful, like honeysuckle. I inhaled deeply and was overtaken by a vivid memory. 

It was humid and the light was fading. I was taking honeysuckle buds and wrapping them into a crown. Over the sound of the crickets and cicadas, I heard a female voice yell, “Dana! Time for dinner!” and I laid my crown on the grass. Jumping up, I began to run toward a red brick house. For some reason, I stopped and buried my face in my hands, taking in the wonderful aroma of the sticky, sweet flowers and started running again. 

Coming back from the memory, Sam was at my side, grasping my elbow to steady me. He led me to the bed and although covered in loud fabric, it was surprisingly comfortable. I filled him in on what I had remembered. Again, he prompted but I could remember nothing else. 

“At least we have a name to work with. Suits you better than Summer anyways.” he smiled. “Dean’s back so I am going to go help.”

I smiled at him wryly, “In other words, you are going to fill Dean in on what happened and then decide your next move?”

Sam had the good sense to look slightly mollified, “Yeah, basically.”

“When you come back to check on me, bring me something alcoholic, ok?” I smirked.

He smiled a half smile, brushed the hair off his forehead and walked down the hall, leaving me to think. 

 

When I heard footsteps a little later on, I thought Sam was finally returning with my drink but it was Dean instead, carrying a bouquet of wildflowers in a vase.  
“I thought you might like some fresh flowers instead of the plastic ones, “he grinned. 

I blushed and put down the book I was reading, “That was thoughtful of you, Dean.” He set the flowers down on the desk. I also saw that he had a bottle and two glasses in his hand. 

“Drink?” he asked while showing me the bottle of Jack. I nodded. He handed me a comfortably sized tumbler of whiskey.

I gestured to the end of the bed, “Seat?” He gracefully plopped down next to me and we clinked our glasses

“To?” Dean asked.

I thought about it for a second and answered, “To new friendships, to surfacing memories, to good whiskey and comfortable mattresses.”

“Here, here,” Dean agreed. His expression changed and I knew he was curious about that afternoon’s revelation. “Sam told me you remembered something.”

“Yeah, it had to have been from my early childhood. I was playing outside and I am guessing my mother called me for dinner. It was the smell of honeysuckle that triggered the memory.”

Dean took a swig of his drink and looked at the floor, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”

“Why are you sorry? Thanks to that smell, I know my name.” I smiled at his profile. 

“Dana,” he said quietly. Hearing him say my name made my insides go to jelly. “I like it. Summer is a stripper name.”

“That’s what I said!” I laughed.

“Do you like the room? I might have gone a little overboard.”

I looked around me and yes, it was just a bit much but in truth, I loved it. I loved it because he tried and he tried for me. “It’s wonderful, Dean. I appreciate the effort.”

When he looked up at me, a spark passed between us. He looked down again, cleared his throat, and stood. Dean knew there was something developing between us but, being Dean, he was resisting. And that was ok with me. I wasn’t going anywhere. Besides, just being near him was enough.

“I’m going to let you rest,” he pointed to the intercom, “Just call if you need anything.”

I gave him a genuine smile. “Thank you. Good night, Dean.”

“Night,” he muttered and closed the door behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

I couldn’t sleep, no matter what I did. Don’t get me wrong, the bed was really comfy but I could not shut off my brain. It kept going in circles. After an hour of tossing and turning, I thought a bath might be a good idea. There was an impressive assortment of bubble baths sitting on top of the dresser. I picked a lavender scented one and headed for the communal bathroom. 

The bathroom in the bunker was just huge. It was more of a locker room than a bathroom but there were big, claw footed tubs that were begging to be filled. I started the one closest to the door so I could see who might come in. As the tub filled with hot water, I went back to my room for a drink and a razor. Sam had lent me one of his because Dean had forgotten that females get furry too. As I was leaving my room, I saw a fluffy robe hanging on the door knob of the closet. It hadn’t noticed it before. It was fuchsia with white polka dots and so very soft. I stripped out of Sam’s t-shirt and my underwear, sliding the robe over my shoulders with a sigh. It was glorious. 

I hurried back to the bathroom to make sure the tub didn’t overflow. The huge space smelled of lavender. I relaxed instantly. Climbing into the bubble filled water, my thoughts stilled. The liquor burned wonderfully all the way to my stomach. The water and whiskey warmed my blood and made me drowsy. 

I was in a car, the passenger’s seat. A man was driving. He was tall, dirty blonde hair, handsome with an amazing smile and we were laughing. Then out of nowhere, there was a loud crash and I felt glass cutting across my face. I heard screaming coming from a distance and the noise was coming from me. I looked over at the man driving and realized that from the odd angle of his neck that he was dead. The screaming started again but it was from even further away. 

Awakening with a start, I was still in the tub at the bunker but the water had grown cold. My breathing was erratic, my pulse racing. As I was trying to catch my breath and make some sense of what was going on, someone burst through the door, pistol raised. 

“Dana! You alright?” Dean yelled tensely, scanning the room for whatever he thought was attacking me. 

Looking down, I realized that the bubbles had dissipated. Holy crap! Dean was in the room and I was naked as a jay bird. 

Quickly covering as much as I could with my hands, I yelled, “Dean! I’m ok!”

He skidded to a stop when he saw me sitting in the tub. He turned on his heel, blushing slightly. 

I was reaching for the stopper to drain the tub when I saw the water was tinged with blood. Seeing the drops hit the water, I soon realized I was bleeding and it was coming from my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short so I am throwing in a bonus chapter!!! :)


	10. Chapter 10

I was sitting at the end of my bed, Sam kneeling between my legs, trying his best to bandage the shallow cuts that covered my entire face and neck. The damage wasn’t too severe but enough to look terrible and scare the boys to death.

“So tell me again what happened.” Dean insisted as he paced the room. He did his best thinking while on his feet.

I sighed and launched into the story for the fourth time, “Like I said before, I was in the bathtub and fell asleep. In the dream I was in a car accident. The man in the driver’s seat was killed.”

“And you’re sure you didn’t recognize him?” 

“Yes, Sam. I am sure. But right before the crash, we were laughing about something as though we knew each other well. I can only assume that this person was somehow special in my life in some way,” I sighed.

“If that was just a dream,” Dean mused, “why is your face all scratched up?”

“How am I supposed to know? I have absolutely no clue what’s going on. All I know is I am tired and my friggin’ face hurts. We aren’t going to get any answers tonight. I want to go to bed, please.”

Sam stood with a look of concern on his face, “I don’t think you should be alone. I’ll stay in here with you just to be safe.”

“Sam, seriously? This bunker is the most warded place on the planet. I will be just fine.”

Dean answered, “Yeah, and your face still got all Freddie Krugered. I agree with Sam. Until we know what we are dealing with here, you shouldn’t be alone.”

I sighed again, “You know what? I am too tired to argue. If you are staying Sam, you had better not snore.” 

Effectively ending the conversation, I stood and removed my robe, hung it in its place and crawled into bed. Sam crawled in beside me and looked at Dean.

“Turn the light off on your way out, would ya?”

Dean smiled, turned off the light and shut the door behind him. 

I turned on my side and looked at Sam in the soft light of the candle I had lit before my bath. His profile left me speechless. A beautiful man by anyone’s standards, he was a sculpted Greek god. Too bad my heart belonged to his brother and had for many years. I still had this irresistible urge to be wrapped in his arms. For all my bravado, I felt shaken after the dream. I knew it wasn’t a dream. I knew it was a memory. I also knew it was a key to figuring out how I had gotten to where I was and why. 

“Sam? May I ask a question without you asking me why?”

Sam looked at me with a perplexed look but nodded slightly.

“Where is Cas in this timeline? I know approximately where I am time wise but not specifically.”

“Cas is around. Is that important for you to know?”

I rolled my eyes, “I was simply curious. You indicated that you wouldn’t ask questions.”

His lips flattened into a line and he again nodded but I could tell he was dying to ask all sorts of things. 

“I promise I will fill you both in on the stuff that I know in the morning. I might need to talk to Cas first. We’ll see.”

“Fair enough.” Sam acquiesced. 

“This much I will tell you. There is a very strong chance that I know what is going to happen in your immediate future and I might be able to help but I really need some advice on how to precede. Other than Cas, I have no idea who else to turn to”, I admitted.

Sam sighed, “Get some sleep. We’ll figure it out in the morning. Good night, Dana.”

“Sleep sweet, Sam.”

 

There is a place your mind goes when you are just about to drift off to sleep. Your brain is off its leash and is wandering around, sniffing bushes. In those precious moments, you can find darkness or revelation. It all depends on what bush you investigate. Mine found something even more precious than fear or love. It found truth. 

 

Creeping out of the bed was a vain attempt not to wake Sam.

“Hey,” he says sleepily, “Where you off to?”

I muttered the lamest but believable excuse I could come up with. “I can’t sleep, Sam. I am going to the kitchen for some tea. Go back to sleep. I’ll yell if I need you.”

Sam threw back the covers, “I should come with you.”

“No!” I answered a little too loudly, “I just need some relaxation time. Please, Sam, I will be right down the hall and I promise to call if I need you. I need to think.”

Sam sighed but I knew he would agree with that sort of logic. “Leave the door open so I can hear and please, don’t be too long.”

I rolled my eyes but was secretly flattered by the concern I heard in his voice. 

“Ok, Sam. You win. I’ll be back shortly,” I said with a grin. How can you be annoyed with the puppy dog eyes?

 

Making my way down the hall toward the kitchen, I took a left instead of a right and headed for the library. There was only one being I knew who could help.

“Angel Naomi, my name is Dana and I really need your help.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late. It's been a rough night. Here you go!

“How dare a lowly human call for me?” Naomi stood before me with all the power of an angel, one who knows they hold the upper hand in this situation. She was wearing a dark expensive, tailored suit and a pissed off look. Little did she know that if things played out as they did in my universe, she was dead.

I stood, refusing to grovel to her although I really had no choice. She needed to see that I had confidence in what I was saying.

“You are a servant of Heaven and I prayed to you. That’s what gives me the right.” My voice sounded stronger than I felt. 

Her stance shifted and her arms crossed. She was willing to listen. “Human, you are not from this universe.”

I shrugged, “You’re right and that’s part of the reason I wanted to speak with you. I have knowledge of future events in this timeline that would most assuredly benefit you but in return for this information, I will need the assistance of an angel.”

Naomi’s eyes narrowed. Her curiosity had the best of her. What could I possibly know? 

“Naomi, a chain of events is about to be set in motion here that will bring our worlds, yours and mine, to their knees. There is much more at stake here than just Angel or Demon Tablets. So much more. But for me to prevent the death of countless humans and angels, I have to have your help. The problem is that if I reveal too much to you, too soon, it could be just as disastrous.”

“You know where the Angel Tablet is?” I definitely had her attention now.

“Yes, I know where it is. But the fact of the matter is, that tablet doesn’t mean squat in comparison to what is coming, what could happen. But things need to happen in the right order or this all blows up into war, angel and humanity included. Can you understand that I can’t tell you everything, not just yet?”

She lowered her arms, “Yes, I can understand. I can also sense that your intentions are sincere.”

“Naomi, it’s no longer about power. It’s about saving Heaven and closing the gates of Hell, forever. I promise you that the Angel Tablet will not fall into Crowley’s hands and if everything happens as I hope it does, you will never have to worry about Hell again. Right now, I need one thing from you. I need you to let Castiel go. Having him under your control will cause you problems and will not get you the Angel Tablet any faster than working with me will. The Winchesters need him and battling against them will serve you no purpose. Call off your angel buddies, work with me and we will both accomplish our goals.”

“You seem to know exactly what you are doing. Why should I trust you?”

I sighed and rolled my eyes, “Aside from the fact that I am from another universe? Well, I know where both tablets are and I have knowledge of the future. I am about the best partner you can have right now. The Winchesters don’t know about you. Hell, Cas doesn’t even know about you at this point. I’ll keep your identity a secret, for the time being. As this progresses, I will provide you with information on an as needed basis and I promise you, you will get the tablets returned to Heaven, where they should be, and the gates of Hell will be closed forever. What more do you want?”

“Dana? Dana… you ok?” Sam’s voice drifted up the hallway. 

“Go! Please! I’ll pray for you when I figure everything out. Thank you for coming.” 

A smile played across her lips and the flap of wings signaled her departure just before Sam came into the room, gun pointed in front of him. Turning to face him, I tried my best not to smile at my progress.

“Didn’t you hear me calling you? I asked you to come right back.” He lowered his weapon and gave me the Sam Winchester bitch face. Being the recipient of it wasn’t nearly as cute as it was on TV. 

I lowered my head, looking appropriately chastised. I followed him back to my room and crawled into bed. Laying there, listening to Sam’s light breathing, I realized that I was going to be able to save him. I was going to be able to save both of them, really. For the first time since I had woken up in the hospital, I felt relaxed and drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

 

I woke in Sam’s arms with my head cradled on his chest. I had always thought cuddling with Sam would be like snuggling with a slab of concrete but his firm muscles gave gently under my cheek. I felt safe there but no romantic feelings rose for Sam in my heart. There never had been any. Dean had always held my heart and always would. Uh oh, I hope Sam wasn’t feeling anything toward me. That would complicate things more than they already were. I tried to turn over without waking him. I have no idea what I was thinking because the Winchesters can go from sleeping to awake in an instant. 

“Hey, you ok?” Sam said sleepily. 

“Sam,” I muttered angrily, “if you ask me that one more time, I am going to punch you in the throat.”

He had the nerve to grin at me and proceeded to stretch his enormous frame. “How’d you sleep?”

I shrugged, “Pretty good actually. Best I have slept in a while, aside from when I was drugged. You?”

He also shrugged, “You snore but it was nice to sleep next to someone. It’s been a while.”

Uh oh. “Why did I wake up in your arms?” I asked hesitantly.

“Cause you called me ‘Baby’ and rolled over on to me sometime early morning. You were sleeping so soundly I decided not to argue.”

I laughed out loud. I couldn’t help myself. “Sam, no offense, but I don’t think I was referring to you. I like you and all and well, look at you, I mean, damn, but I don’t think of you in that way.”

Sam smiled, “I am well aware of how you feel. You also called me Dean.”

Oh shit. I gasped and felt the blush from the tips of my ears to the soles of my feet. “Oh Sam, I am SO sorry.”

“Dana, I’m neither blind nor stupid. You ask me all kinds of questions about him and when you think no one is looking, you stare at him like a love struck puppy.”

My shame knew no bounds. “Oh God, Sam… do you think he knows?”

“Are you kidding? When it comes to stuff like that, Dean is oblivious. However, I think he likes you.”

I suspected the same thing but the news still settled in my stomach like a stone. 

“What makes you think that, Sam?”

“Well,” he shrugged, “he insisted on sitting with you at night at the hospital. And making you ‘feel at home’ here in the bunker was his idea. He even hung the wallpaper himself. Not the kinds of things Dean does when he’s not interested in someone.”

I took a second to mull over the new information. Dean likes me. I suspected as much by the way he was acting but I didn’t think it was the kind of like that might turn into something more. Oh wow… something more with Dean Winchester. The concept made me feel faint. My subconscious reminded me that even though he might want it, he thinks he can’t have it. Don’t push him. Let him come to you and see what happens. 

Looking at Sam I realized he’d been sitting there, watching the wheels turn in my head. 

“Sam, please don’t say anything to him. I don’t want to spook him. I know how Dean is and he’ll run screaming if he thinks there is any chance of something happening between us. Besides, I still don’t know if there is something or someone waiting for me in my universe.”

Wow. That was a new consideration. What if there was someone who was waiting on me there? Part of me knew that if there had been someone there, he was the one who died in that car accident. Pain lanced through my heart. That’s the only thing that makes sense. The blonde man with the beautiful smile had been my someone there. And he was gone.   
As the tears pooled in my eyes, Sam put his arm around me and tucked my head under his chin. He had already come to the conclusion that I just had. I leaned into his shoulder and let myself cry. The man from the car’s face swam in my vision and I wept for the loss of love that I would never have again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have someone here that I happen to love even more than Dean Winchester. :) I am a lucky woman.


	12. Chapter 12

The roof of the bunker was a tiny affair considering it’s a bunker and all but it was an excellent place to go and contemplate the universe, literally. Coming to the realization that my reason for being in my own universe was gone was sobering. Just from the few seconds I remembered, what I had with him was real and only happened once in a lifetime. Did I want to go back to a place where that was lost? Who knows? I might have also died in the accident that claimed his life as well. Maybe there was nothing for me to go back to. All of these theories lead me back to the conclusion that I was there to change things for the Winchesters. Of all places to land, I wound up in the timeline of a TV show that I know like the back of my own hand before some serious shit goes down. There are coincidences in the universe and there are reasons. I knew without a doubt that I landed here to stop all the anguish and to set the boys on a different path. Would it be a better path? Who knows? But it would be a path where the Winchesters wouldn’t have to deal with demons anymore. I was kind of hoping that the angels would take their shit to Heaven and keep it there but I couldn’t count on that. Just getting my hands on Metatron would be enough for me. I wasn’t relishing taking on the trials but putting an angel blade in Metatron’s neck was going to be worth all the anguish. My palms actually tingled at the idea of taking that son of a bitch out. 

My rapidly growing blood lust was interrupted by footsteps. Expecting Sam, I turned and looked much higher than I needed to. It was Dean who stood above me, holding two cups of coffee. 

“Hey,” he said simply. 

“Hi,” I replied, suddenly feeling shy. Realizing that we were connecting made all the feelings more intense. Not to mention I happen to know the man inside and out and he knew nothing about me. Hell, I knew nothing about me.

“You doin’ ok?” he asked quietly, sitting down beside me and handing me a mug. 

I took the cup and sipped gratefully. I may know nothing about me but he knew that I took my coffee light and sweet. It made me smile. 

“Yeah, Dean, I’m alright, I guess.” I knew Sam had told him about this morning. My revelation had put a damper on everyone’s mood. 

He sighed and said, “This has to be tough on you. Finding out things about yourself in bits and pieces. And so far none of them has been good news. I’m sorry about your… friend.”

“Thanks, Dean. It wasn’t pleasant to discover but it did put some pieces in place for me.”

He quirked an eyebrow at me, “How so?”

“More than likely, my death in my own universe is what pushed me here. Why I don’t remember anything from there doesn’t make much sense but maybe I’m not supposed to remember any of it? Maybe I am supposed to make a fresh start here. It would be nice to have a past but honestly, that stuff can just weigh you down. I am connected to you and Sam somehow. And I think I might know why but I don’t want to talk about it too much just yet. Knowledge can be dangerous.”

“Yeah, I get that,” he nodded. “And I agree that you are connected to us. That would be the only explanation as to why you know us and our history. Just wish we knew about you. It’s kinda weird to have a conversation with someone who knows about you but has no frame of reference in their own life.” He smiled and it was tinged with sympathy.

“I do have a favor to ask,” he said suddenly. 

“Anything, Dean.”

“Well, you mentioned there was a flutter in the carb of the Impala. Sammy is doing research and I need someone to hold the flashlight. Would you mind?”

I smiled broadly. I knew he was trying to cheer me up and I appreciated it. Besides, he was asking me to help him work on Baby. Of course I would hold the flashlight. I’d hold whatever he needed me to.

 

Down in the garage, I’d spent the better part of the morning staring at a pair of legs sticking out from under a ’67 Impala. The tuning of the carb had taken no time at all so Dean decided to change the oil. We had discovered that I could sing along with most of the classic rock songs playing on the radio, which to Dean was a good sign and that I knew what a socket wrench was, also a good sign. When he scooted out from under the engine on a crawler, he pointed to the box on the shelf next to my head and asked me to hand him the oil filter, I grabbed the box, opened it. Staring down at the orange cylindrical filter, my vision got fuzzy and my knees buckled. 

I was holding a similar filter, orange and round. I was outside on a warm, lovely day. The hood was popped on a black ’02 Mustang. She was on jack stands. I smelled the oil in my nostrils and it was all over the front of my coveralls. My hands were also covered with the dark liquid. I dabbed my finger in a green quart bottle and smeared the gasket of the filter with clean oil. Reaching into the engine compartment, I slipped the filter in and screwed it into place. I yelled toward the house, “Almost done!”

The man from my dream came out of the door with that same beautiful smile beaming across his face.

“You did it! You changed your own oil! I knew you could do it!”

“Well, I’m not finished. But yeah, I can and I did!”

“Baby, you are going to make a great mechanic.”

 

Coming back to reality, Dean had his arm around my shoulders. I was kneeling on the garage floor, staring at the oil filter in my hands. I looked up at him, trying to gather my scattered thoughts.

“You back with me?” Dean asked looking concerned. 

I nodded and handed him the filter.

“You remembered something?”

“Yeah,” I answered shakily, “I am a mechanic.”


	13. Chapter 13

I was tucked under the hood of a sweet little roadster, tightening the timing chain when I heard Dean calling me to lunch. The garage of the bunker had become my second home with the revelation that I was a mechanic in my own universe. Not only had I remembered what I did for a living, I remembered the knowledge that came with the title. Having a purpose was more cathartic that I could have possibly realized. The garage was full of cars that just needed a little tender, loving care and I had nothing else better to do until the boys caught scent of the trials of their own accord. Kevin hadn’t gotten the info off the tablets yet and I was upsetting their timeline enough as it was. Besides, the time with the boys was wonderful. Sam was so funny and quick to smile and Dean was becoming my best buddy. Now that we could talk cars, there wasn’t much else we talked about. He was disappointed to hear I was a Ford girl but my appreciation for Baby and that I had a Baby of my own gave us lots to talk about. I knew a lot about cars but I couldn’t talk about the cars in my life much. My “Baby” had been the Mustang whose oil was getting changed and I knew quite a bit about her. Dean and I talked about the suspension and what a complete bitch the engine overhaul had been. He felt more like a friend than ever and the feeling was natural. 

When I pulled my head out of under the hood, Dean was holding a plate with a beautiful looking sandwich wrapped in plastic on it. 

“I thought you might be getting hungry. I don’t know if you realize but it’s after two.”

I gasped as I took the plate from his hand, “Wow. Seriously? I have been really wrapped up in this one. Friggin timing chain was on so loose it was practically falling off. Would have been a crime to not get her running. I’m gonna try cranking her after lunch. Wanna assist?”

“Sorry. Sam and I have caught a case. We’re leaving in about an hour or so. You sure you will be ok here by yourself?” Dean said with concern.

“Dean, how many times do I have to tell you that I will be fine? Cas is a call away and we have a car lift in the garage. What kinds of trouble could I possibly get myself into?” I winked at him.

I was treated to a full on, megawatt Dean Winchester smile which was a better treat than the sandwich, which was delicious. 

“Should I come along with you guys? Maybe you could use some back up?”

Along with talking cars, Dean had been teaching me the finer points of defending myself in case something happened. I was turning into an excellent shot and had managed to take Sam down once in hand to hand combat. I didn’t want to be a hunter. I wasn’t going to live long enough to be of use in that area but I was hoping the training the boys was giving me could help me live long enough to survive the trials.

“Nah. I think we can manage without you. We have been doing this a while, you know?” he winked.

He winked. I got a smile and a wink in the same conversation. Was it my birthday?

“Look,” he started, “I am not crazy about leaving you here either but at least here you are safe from anything that might be looking for you. If you have another “dream”, call and we’ll get you some help, ok?” He put his hands on my shoulders and squatted so he could look me in the eye. 

I nodded, suddenly choked up. I didn’t want him to go. Being with him the last few days had been a dream in and of its self and I was afraid what we had wouldn’t be there when he got back. 

“Hey,” he said softly. He tilted my chin up with his finger and looked me in the eye. He leaned in and kissed me on the top of the head. “Get my garage clean before we get back, k?” 

I giggled at his kindness and familiarity. Maybe there was something there after all. And that was why I had to save him, even if it meant my own death.

 

The bunker was lonely without them. Cas popped in from time to time to check on me, at Dean’s insistence, but there was nothing to report. No new memories and no dreams.   
Sam had still been sleeping in my bed and it was empty without him. On the upside, the beautiful set of cars in the garage kept me content as well as the extensive library and big bath tubs. I soaked and read for hours. I also put a hurting on Dean’s whiskey supply. The mixture of good literature and bad whiskey helped the sleep come. 

The third night the boys were away, a dream happened. I was standing in the exam room of a veterinarian’s office. I was crying so hard I could not take a breath. In my arms was a small, black cat swathed in a dark blue blanket. It was obvious this beautiful cat was dead. I laid her on the stainless steel exam table and kissed her sweet head goodbye.   
Startling myself awake from the awful dream my pillow was wet and I still clutched a swatch of the blue blanket in my hand. What the hell was going on?


	14. Chapter 14

“Cas, what is going on?”

He sat stiffly on the edge of my bed, holding the tattered swatch of the blanket in his fingers. He looked perplexed. How is it possible for me to have a physical manifestation of the dream I was having in my hands? 

Naomi had released Cas from her control, per our agreement and he was helping the Winchesters when I called out for him. His response was quick as he was asked to listen for my prayers. I told him about the dream and then showed him the blanket scrap.

“I am not certain what is occurring here, Dana, but I will endeavor to find out. Let me consult some other angels to ascertain if they have any knowledge of the situation. May I also take this piece of blanket with me?”

I hesitated. The cat in my dream had been quite dear to me and although the dream was very sad it was also beautiful. That scrap of fabric was all I had from my previous life and I wasn’t eager to let it out of my sight.

“Yes, Cas. But please take care of it and return it as soon as you are able. It means a lot to me.”

“Understood. I will return when I can. Please call if you need anything else.” And with a flutter, he was gone.

Just after he left, my cell phone rang. “Hello?”

A gruff voice replied, “Hey. You ok?”

In spite of my raw emotions, I smiled at the sound of his voice, “Yeah, Dean. I’m alright.”

“Cas still there?” he asked. 

“No,” I replied, “He left just a minute or two ago. He was going to check with some other angels to see if they had any ideas as to what is going on.”

“Do you need us to come back?” There was hesitancy in his voice. I knew if I said yes, they would be back in a flash but there were people dying and that was something that the Winchester’s didn’t take lightly.

“No, Dean, I’ll be fine. No bloodshed this time. You have people to save and I can deal with a tear stained pillow.”

He sighed. I could tell he was torn and I shouldn’t have mentioned the tears. “If you need us, call, ok? I’ll call you in the morning to check on you.”

“Good Night, Dean.” and I pressed end on the keypad. I was on the verge of asking them to come back and I didn’t want to be weak. It was just a dream. I corrected myself. It couldn’t have been just a dream. I had brought physical evidence again back from the “dream”. What was going on?

Sleep eluded me the rest of the night. There was no way I was going to voluntarily close my eyes and risk feeling that pain again. So, turning to my other favorite past time, I  
stripped off my pajamas and went down the hall to the bathroom, turning the tap on my usual claw footed tub. I used some floral scented bubble bath to soothe my ragged nerves. As was my routine, I padded back to the library to select a book and pour myself a drink. Even though the Men of Letters were primarily into paranormal research, their library of fiction was quite impressive. 

Seeing a title on the shelf that caught my attention, The Secret Garden by Francis Hodgson Burnett, I pulled it off and turned it to the front cover. Seeing the artwork there, my knees buckled. Before my eyes, I saw myself pull the book out of a small bookcase and turn it over to see a paperback version with the same artwork. I walked to a big bed and lay down on my stomach with the book in front of me. The memory ended with me opening the book to chapter 1 and beginning to read.

Coming back from the memory, I found myself on the floor of the library, on my stomach with the book in front of me. The knap of the rug had left an imprint on my cheek. How long I had been there, I had no idea. 

I stood and walked toward the bathroom. Upon hearing the tub overflowing, I quickened my pace. I turned off the taps and went directly to my bedroom to call Cas.

 

“We’re on our way,” Sam said to me from the other end of the call. 

“Sam, there’s no need. Please finish the case. There is nothing you can do here.”

Cas had filled them in on what was going on and the boys did not want me to be alone anymore.

“Dana, that’s two memories in less than an hour. You expect us to just leave you there?”

“Yes, Sam, that’s exactly what I expect you to do. Having you here changes nothing. I am in no danger and even if I were, you couldn’t stop it. Cas is at my beck and call if I need anything. Have him babysit me if it makes you feel better. Honestly, it’s nice to have some blanks filled in.” I wasn’t about to let them know just how scared I really was. 

He sighed. It reminded me of the same sigh Dean had breathed just a couple of hours before. “We will wrap this up as fast as we can. Please stay safe, ok?”

“You too, please. Come back in one piece.” I didn’t know the specific case they were on but I did know that they were unharmed directly after so my worries were unfounded. Kevin was going to tell them about the trials right after they got back so my time was coming. 

“Will do.” and Sam was gone. I sighed out loud. I missed him just about as much as I did Dean. Having Sam’s warm body in my bed was soothing beyond compare. Loving him would be so easy if it weren’t for his wise cracking, heart stopping big brother.


	15. Chapter 15

Cas was waiting for me, sitting in an armchair in the library when I wandered out in the morning. 

“Do you have any news for me?”

Cas stood and replied, “Yes. Through questioning my fellow angels we have determined that you are not having ‘dreams’. You are visiting the plane of existence that you came from and bringing back pieces of it with you.”

I slid into the chair that Cas was just occupying. I had come to the same conclusion but hearing it from him left me stunned. 

“Do you think I am trying to go back there and am not able to? Or are the two worlds just colliding?”

Cas squatted in front of me so we could be at eye level. “I don’t know. I think it would be a good idea if I were to stay with you until you have another one of these episodes so that   
I can determine the exact nature of the link between the worlds.”

“I can agree to that but do you have to be in the same room because I don’t like the idea of you watching me sleep. It’s bad enough Sam has to be there.”

“No, I can simply be in the bunker. I would not want to make you uncomfortable.” This Cas had not been human yet so he was still awkward with personal interactions. It was endearing and adorable.

I smiled at him. “Thank you, Cas.”

“I will be here in the library should anything come to pass. Please, go about your day as you normally would.”

Smiling at him yet again, “Cas, would you like to learn how to change the oil in a car?”

 

I didn’t hear the rumble of the Impala until the garage door was already being raised. My boys here home and I was thrilled to see them. I squirmed out from under the car I was working on and raced toward the other end of the bunker. When Sam extracted himself awkwardly from the passenger’s side of the Impala, I threw my arms around him. They’d only been gone a few days but it felt like weeks and I was so glad they were there. Sam seemed surprised by the show of affection but returned the hug warmly. 

Glancing at Dean unfolding himself from his beloved car with catlike grace had a different effect on me than I was expecting. It took my breath away. It was like seeing him for the first time. He saw me hugging Sam and raised his eyebrow at me questioningly. I walked the few steps to the driver’s side and wrapped my arms around him as well, burying my face in his neck, inhaling the leather and sweat smell that was all Dean. Much to my surprise, he held me to him tightly, making sure I was ok. His fingers dug into my shoulders and he stooped to bury his nose in my hair. It felt like I was hugging a lover, not a friend. And feeling his erection press into my hip confirmed that suspicion. He let me go and put me at arm’s length, looking up and down, checking to make sure I was ok. I did the same to him just so I could look at him thoroughly. His smile was genuine and reached his eyes. He took my breath from my chest again. Although I didn’t look my best, my face was almost healed and my coveralls were caked in grease, I was fine. Just really glad to see him. He was home, with me. 

 

I made a huge dinner to welcome them back. Unbeknownst to me, I could cook. I went to the kitchen the day before to make myself something to eat and a memory hit me out of nowhere. I was in a small, well appointed kitchen, making complicated sandwiches for a throng of friends. They had goat cheese, ham and spices wrapped in tortillas. 

“This tastes amazing, Dana.”

“You should really be a chef, girl.”

The warmth of the memory spread from the crown of my scalp to the tips of my toes. And I decided then that I liked to cook. So I made a spread fit for royalty for the boys. I made two different types of pasta, salad and cherry pie for dessert. To say the boys were impressed was an understatement. 

“I didn’t know you could cook,” Sam stated, helping himself to his third plate of pesto tortellini.

I laughed at him, “Neither did I. I had another memory yesterday and this cooking thing happened.”

A look of concern crossed Dean’s face. 

“Cas, you didn’t tell me she had another memory.”

Cas was quietly sitting at the table with us, sampling the food to be polite. 

“I didn’t say anything because it was simply a memory. There was no crossing of universes.”

I sighed, “Dean. Don’t scold Cas. I told him not to run off and interrupt what you were doing for something trivial.”

“Nothing that happens to you is trivial to me,” Dean said quietly and then looked mortified. I guess he missed me as much as I missed him.


	16. Chapter 16

Seeing as I cooked, Cas and Sam offered to clean up. Dean wanted a shower. So, I climbed the little ladder to the roof. The stars were out, and I needed a little while to think about things. It was becoming obvious that Dean was falling as hard as I already had. I’d been in love with him for years but having him where I could touch him was presenting a problem. Everything was so intense. He’d been a part of my life for so long and now he was real and in front of me. I had spent time dreaming of touching his hands, gazing into his eyes, and now I had done those things. And it was real clear he wanted me in the same way. But I was here to do a job. That job was going to get me killed, and I would leave him. Should I let this go any further? I didn’t want him to hurt because of me. I knew when Dean fell, he fell hard and I couldn’t let his heart get broken as surely as I couldn’t let Sam die or to allow Dean to become a demon. What was I going to do?

No sooner had I thought the words when I heard the roof hatch open. His steps across the roof were quiet. I heard the clink of glass at my right. I looked up to see him holding two glasses of whiskey. 

“I see you put a hurtin’ on my supplies while the ‘rents were out of town.”

I smirked, “Sorry about that. When you enter another dimension in your dreams, it’s hard to talk your brain into actually sleeping. It helps.”

He sat next to me. “I can understand that. No worries. I’ll make a supply run tomorrow.”

I could feel the heat coming from his upper arm. He smelled like soap and leather. I absently wondered if he always smelled that way. One little shift and we would be touching. Just a small move…

“You made a lot of progress in the garage while we were gone. You even got Cas a little dirty.”

I laughed, “I figured he was bored just sitting there so I decided to get him involved. He knows the host of heaven. He should at least know how to do an oil change.”

Dean laughed, throwing his head back, “I wish I could have seen that. Cas with his feet dangling out from under that roadster.”

“You should have seen his shirt when he forgot to put the pan under the drain. I almost fainted when he ‘dry cleaned’ himself. I knew he could do it but it is something else when it happens in front of you.”

Again he chuckled but then he sobered, taking a long drink from his glass, “How are you holding up?”

Sighing, I answered with care, “I’m not sure, Dean. These memories are starting to come back faster. Then there’s the visiting another universe thing. And I’m dealing with being in a universe I thought was fictional and dealing with people that I know better than I know myself. It’s a very strange situation.”

Dean closed the distance and put his hand on my knee, “Yeah, this is one messed up situation. You are doing great, by the way.”

I covered his hand with mine, relishing the contact, “Thank you. I am trying to make the best of this because I really don’t have a whole lot of choice in the matter.”

“That’s true,” he chuckled again. It was good to see him smile. Remembering Crowley telling Dean to open his eyes and they were black as coal caused me to shudder.

“You cold?” He shrugged off his over shirt and draped it over my shoulders. Who knew Dean Winchester had a chivalrous side?

“Thanks,” I answered. I was actually a little warm but I wouldn’t take that shirt off if you paid me. I took another large swig of my drink. Feeling bold, I opened my mouth and let the words flow. 

“You have to stop thinking you aren’t important, Dean. You have no idea how important you are. You have a good heart, Dean Winchester. And I know you better than a lot of people. Stop beating yourself up for being what we all are, human. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt sometimes and ease up, ok?”

He lifted his gaze and his eyes were soft. I couldn’t help myself. I reached out and caressed his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. What was I doing? I was going to leave him. How could I love him and be one of a long line of people who had left him? I had to stop this, now.

I dropped my hand. He opened his eyes, startled. 

“I’m getting chilly. I’m going to go back in. Thank you for the talk.” With determination, I got up and walked away. 

He stood and caught my arm and turned me to his chest. He lifted my chin and kissed me passionately.

And I let myself kiss him back. How could I not? He was Dean Winchester… the man I loved. 

I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him against me. He was firm and soft, all at the same time. His strong arms pinned me against his body, and he rested his hands in the small of my back. 

Realizing what was going on, I tried halfheartedly to pull away but he held my cheeks in his calloused hands, licking my bottom lip, asking for entrance. Losing myself in the kiss, in him, I opened my mouth and allowed him to take control. His hands were everywhere, on my back, my face, my waist, leaving hot, tingly trails across my sensitive skin. I wound my hands into the hair at the nape of his neck, still damp from his shower, crushing myself against him. 

When his hands wandered under my shirt and his lips trailed down my jaw to my neck, I came to my senses and shoved him away. 

I took a couple of steps back and shook my head to clear it. I couldn’t let him get hurt. No, no matter how much I wanted him.

“Dean… this, you and me, it can’t happen.”

“Why not?” he asked me, looking confused. His hair was all mussed. His eyes were blown wide with lust, and I swear he looked a little hurt. It took monumental effort to stay where I was. 

“Why not? Because I love you, you idiot! I have loved you for years and I can’t hurt you! I refuse to be another person who hurts you!”

I climbed down the ladder to the bunker, tears rolling down my cheeks. He did not follow.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam slept in his room because Cas was in the bunker and I was grateful. I couldn’t stop crying. All I could ever remember wanting was Dean. He offered himself to me, and I rejected him. What was I doing? But I wasn’t going to use him and then go and die on him. Why should I give him yet another reason to hate himself? This was impossible. I loved him so much but I loved him enough to know when I should stay away. I wanted to go to his room, wrap myself around him, and stay there forever. I wanted him to feel what I felt and for him to know that he did deserve to be loved, especially by someone who really knew him. Let’s be honest. Lisa loved what she knew, but I know everything. I know things even Sam doesn’t know. And I didn’t love him in spite of it; I loved him because of it. I knew he had tortured in hell. I knew the things he had done in the name of saving the world. I even knew what he would have done had I not changed things. And I still loved and adored him. 

Maybe that was the point. Yes, finishing the trials and saving the Winchesters was going to kill me but Dean would still feel the love I have for him. Yes it would hurt that I was gone but I had the chance to tell him why I was doing it. I had time to show him what love I had in my heart. Surely loving him and allowing him to feel that couldn’t be a bad thing. It might even be another part of the reason I was there. Not just to save the Winchesters physically but to save Dean emotionally. To show him he was worthy of love. Of course! My tears stopped immediately and I wanted to seek him out. To kiss him until the world burned down around us. I leapt from my bed intent on grabbing my robe when something occurred to me. I told Dean I loved him. Talk about a mood killer. Dean was terrified of any sort of commitment and I just handed it to him on a silver platter. Damn! Maybe running to him right now wasn’t such a good idea. I’d wait until the morning and see how things played out before I confessed anything more. I climbed back into my comfy bed with a smile on my face, fantasizing about how good the first time was going to be. 

 

I awoke to a quiet bunker. I had risen early to make the boys breakfast and because I was eager to repair the damage I had done to mine and Dean’s relationship. There was a note on the library table from Sam saying that Kevin had news for them and that they would be back soon. I knew Kevin was going to tell them about the trials, and that the first one was to bathe in the blood of a hell hound. My time had run out. It was time to talk to Naomi.

 

She stood in front of me radiating the same kind of power as before but with a different attitude. She was compliant, which was making me a little nervous. I suppose she had verified what I had told her earlier and was eager to get her hands on the angel and demon tablets. 

“Naomi, thank you for coming. The time has come for me to ask you for your help.”

“I have already released Castiel. What else is it that you need from me?”

Taking a deep breath, I revealed my hand, “I need you to help me kill a hellhound.”

 

The boys were working as ranch hands in Idaho. They had discovered demon activity approximately ten years ago near the Cassity Farm in Shoshone, and the family had discovered oil where there was none. It was the best lead they had on finding a hellhound. I already knew they would find a hellhound there and that Sam was going to start the trials, not Dean. What I was having a hard time deciding was when to intervene. The first victim was Carl Granville, husband of Alice Cassity, the owner of the ranch. He had made a deal to win the love of Alice. 

The second attack was on Margot Cassity, the youngest daughter, turns out to be the one that made the deal for the family to strike oil. Sam eventually kills the hound while it is after Ellie, the property manager. She made a deal to save her mother from Parkinson’s disease. I didn’t want any of these people to die, and it would be simple to have an angel bounce me in undetected, and gank the hound but how much of the timeline should I change? I wanted to save people, no doubt, but time is fragile and anything I changed would have consequences. So, I made the decision to act the same time Sam did, and have the natural order preserved as much as possible. 

Naomi had assigned one of her agents to be my mode of transport. She had also ordered stunt angel number 3 to drop me off and leave, per my request. The less Sam and Dean knew about angelic involvement the better. I had every intention of telling the boys everything eventually. But this situation was tenuous at best and I couldn’t afford to upset their universe any further than I intended. But that’s the screw, isn’t it? I was going to upset their universe in a big way and the repercussions would be far reaching. So what would be the big deal in keeping some souls from hell along the way? The other half of my brain reminded me that by changing anything other than who was taking on the trials could possibly derail the timeline and I wouldn’t have the jump on what was to come. KISS, Dana… keep it simple stupid. 

All these thoughts were rushing around my head as I was waiting for angel airlines to pick me up. I seriously wanted a drink to calm my nerves but taking on a hellhound was going to be tricky enough without adding a DUI into the mix. I kept reminding myself that I only had to do this one trial alone. Sam and Dean would be backing me for the rest. My brain understood that but my rapidly beating heart wasn’t in on that information. Before I had time to really freak out, a non-descript Secret Service angel type fluttered in, startling me briefly.

“It’s time,” he said in a bland voice.

I stood on shaking knees and with a soft touch to my shoulder, the bunker vanished.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I fell asleep earlier than usual during a rewatch of last night's wonderful ep! Enjoy!

When we landed we were in a thicket of bushes on the Cassity property, just to the side of the barn. What CIA angel lacked in personality, he made up for in accuracy. It was the perfect spot to hide until show time. The angel tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a pair of glasses and a short, silver sword.

“You requested these?” he said in an emotionless whisper.

It took me a half second to realize what he was giving me. I had asked Naomi for glasses waved through holy fire so I could see the hounds and an angel blade, for slaughtering purposes.

“Oh, yeah. Thanks,” I replied. 

I felt the flutter more than heard it when the angel departed. He was efficient. I had to give him that. 

Now all I had to do was wait until the time was right. 

 

After an hour of waiting, my nerves were the least of my problems. I had forgotten to pee before I left the bunker. What a thing to forget! I wondered absently if the boys had ever had the same problem on a hunt. 

I saw Dean wander around the corner and my focus returned. I knew he was a more than capable hunter but seeing him walk toward danger made my stomach quiver. Knowing he was going to Ellie’s room was worse. Thinking of her kissing him made my face flame in jealousy. He wasn’t mine but feelings are feelings. Come on, Dana! Get your head in the game. 

Once I knew he was clear, I snuck into the barn and hid behind a pile of equipment. My memory of this episode was hazy. It wasn’t one of my favorites but if I was correct, the hellhound was going to come to the door and Dean was going to say something about Crowley. If I played my cards right, he’d never finish the sentence.   
Through the glasses Naomi provided, the world was blue and a bit hazy. I heard Dean close Ellie’s door at the other end of the barn. I tensed as I heard the dog coming. All I had to do was distract it from Dean and have her charge me. 

He opened the large double doors, walking cautiously toward the center of the tack room. The hound appeared at the entrance of the barn. And Dean started his speech. She jumped behind a stack of hay bales and I reacted. 

I jumped out of my hiding place, shoved Dean into the corner and yelled, “What are you waiting for, bitch?!”

She jumped out of her hiding spot, lunging for me, and knocked me flat on the floor with one swipe. The pain that lanced through my left shoulder left spots in front of my eyes. The hound was on me before I could take a another breath.

“Dana… NO!” I heard Dean shout from the corner. 

Just as she was about to snap her jaws on to my face, I plunged the angel blade into her chest and sliced down her belly, just as Sam had done, coating myself in black, sticky blood. The hellhound fell off me with a thud. Sam was at the entrance, shotgun sitting on his shoulder. Both he and Dean got to me at the same time. I felt pressure on my shoulder and heard Dean cursing under his breath. The edges of my vision started to go black. No, no, no. I have to complete the trial! 

Just as I was about to go under, I muttered, “Kah Nah Ahm Dar”. 

My right hand flared bright orange, pain and energy shooting through me. I jolted upright, my heart racing and muscles spasming. 

“Dana?” Sam called through the haze, anxiety apparent in his tone.

The only words I could manage, “I’m ok.”

The glow dissipated. I turned my head to smile at Sam.

“I did it.” And passed out, landing in Dean’s arms.


	19. Chapter 19

The Kansas night was sultry but the chills would not stop coming. I was shivering so hard my teeth were smashing together. I had bitten my tongue twice. I knew the effects of the spell were going to be rough but Sam was a tougher guy than even I knew. I hadn’t expected the path I had chosen to be easy and would take whatever punishment the supernatural would deal out to save Sam and ultimately Dean. Escaping to the roof had been the only way I could think of to hide the effects of the spell from the boys. 

The ride back from Idaho had been a quiet one. Cas had been called to heal my shoulder and sensing the tense atmosphere, left quickly. Dean was furious to the point of physical violence that I had stepped in. Sam was also angry but more confused than anything else. They both knew I would explain myself but in my own time. The bombshell that Sam would have been possessed by an angel against his will and Dean would become a Knight of Hell wasn’t one I was going to share on the fly. There was also the predicament of the second trial to consider. How the fuck was I going to get into hell and rescue Bobby? Sam had barely managed that one. There was also the problem of what to do about Metatron. Even forewarned, would Cas be able to resist the temptation of closing the gates of Heaven? I was considering taking an angel blade and ganking the mother fucker myself on principal. 

The thoughts spinning around my head were interrupted by the crunching of footsteps on the gravel behind me. I had hoped Dean would come up first but the gait of Sam’s walk gave him away. There was a warm wool blanket draped around my shoulders and a cup of herbal tea in my hands before I could even say hello. 

“Th-th-thank you,” I managed to get out between sips. Sam’s calloused but gentle hands felt my forehead.

“You are burning up. You should be in bed, not on the roof.” His voice had an edge to it. He was angry and I knew I had to give him an explanation.

“You are probably right but I know I am not exactly yours or Dean’s favorite person at the moment. I thought it would be best to lay low until I had the chance to explain properly.” 

He cocked his head to the side and indicated he was ready to listen. 

I took a deep breath and began, “Sam, I am sorry I didn’t tell you what I was planning. But you would have stopped me and I am the one who has to complete the trials. Neither you nor Dean can do it.” 

Sam looked like he was going to argue with me so I cut him off, “I was not implying that you are not capable. You both are. It’s just that the trials are no cake walk. You are both too valuable to the world to be sacrificial lambs to the slaughter. And that’s exactly what the person who completes the trials is going to be… sacrificed. There’s no way to say this gently. The trials are going to kill me. And there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop it.”

Sam’s expression went hard. “What exactly do you mean?”

“In the timeline I came from, it was you who took on the trials. The further along you went, the sicker you got. You were moments away from completing the third trial when Dean discovered it would kill you and he made you stop. You didn’t close the gates of hell. But the damage done to you was going to kill you anyway. Sam, you were going to die and I could not let that happen. Not now, not ever. Not when I can stop it, complete the trails and close the gates of hell forever.”

He sat and stared at me for minutes, digesting the information I had given him. 

“Why did Dean stop me?”

“Because he loves you, moron. Why the fuck else would he stop you? There’s no Dean if there’s no you.” My health was affecting my mood. I would not normally have been so blunt.

He pondered my statement for a moment and said quietly, “There’s no way we can let you take on something so huge. It should be one of us that does this”.

“Sam, no. I will not have either of you die. I couldn’t bear the thought. I came here for a purpose. This has to be it! What other reason would I be here if not to change what was to come and save the Winchesters? Sam, I have to do this. Please.”

I could tell by the stiff set of his shoulders he didn’t like what I was saying but there was no arguing with my logic. So far, no one had discovered a reason why I had been brought to their universe. 

“There’s more you need to know, Sam. Your body was damaged beyond anything an angel could repair so, to save you, Dean tricked you into allowing an angel to possess you, to heal you from the inside. Long story short, the angel was a bad guy. Needless to say, you weren’t real happy with him about it and said something to Dean you didn’t mean. Dean then made a really bad decision and in the long run, he dies and becomes a demon himself.”

Sam looked like he’d been hit by a ton of bricks. It was a lot of information to take in. 

“Sam, listen to me, we can stop all of this. I can. One trial down, two to go. I know what they are and what we have to do. You have to trust me. You just have to.”

He grimaced, nodded slightly, and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. It was such a Sam move, I couldn’t stop the grin that spread across my face. He looked at me with curiosity and smiled slightly himself. That’s when I knew he was on my side. His brother was another matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you guys are aware, I am rapidly approaching the point where I will be releasing chapters at the same time as my FanFiction account (which is once a week). I'll be sure to let you know when that happens. In the mean time, enjoy! :)


	20. Chapter 20

All around me there was fire and heat. My skin felt like it was blistering off the bone. The suffering was so intense that I couldn’t open my eyes. But worse than the pain, were the screams. There had to be thousands of them, all expressing their agony the only way they could. It was deafening. 

Through the anguish, I could sense someone close, their breath feathering against my charred cheek.

“Open your eyes,” said a familiar voice. I didn’t want to obey. I knew what I would see if I did and no torture could compare.

“I said, Open. Your. Eyes,” the voice commanded again. I had no choice. 

I stared at the face that was close to my field of vision. It was the face I had loved for so long but harsh, cold. And his eyes, not the deep green of my dreams, were black as coal. 

The razor he held in his hand flashed against the glow coming from below. 

“Let’s get started.” 

I did the only thing I knew to do… scream.

 

“Dana… Dana! Wake up!” 

The hands gripping my upper arms, shaking me awake, were calloused but gentle. I knew his voice but I was having a hard time letting go of the horror I was feeling. When I opened my eyes, there he was. His face was concerned, not hateful. His eyes were the bottle green I loved. 

I took a deep breath to steady myself and much to my dismay, began to sob uncontrollably. The dream was so real and I was so relieved he wasn’t a demon. He was still Dean, my Dean. He gathered me into his arms and rocked me back and forth, shushing me and rubbing my back. I wrapped my arms around him and held him as tightly as I could, letting all the fear and relief soak his t-shirt with tears. 

After a while, the sobs quieted but I couldn’t let go of him. We had barely spoken since I had gutted the hellhound and just having him near me felt like heaven. Much too soon, he let go of me and looked into my eyes. The anger of the last few days was gone, tenderness and curiosity left in its place. 

“You ok?” he asked sweetly, brushing my hair out of my eyes. 

I nodded and sighed. I caught his hand in mine and laid it against my cheek, leaning into his touch. I had missed him so much and now that the walls were down, I wasn’t about to let this opportunity slip by. I turned my head slightly, kissing the rough palm on my face. I released his hand and he let it fall, looking down at his lap. 

“Dean… I…”

Before I could say anything else, his lips were on mine, intense and wanting. I gave in. How could I not? I could feel him all around me, the warmth of his hands on my cheeks holding me still, his stubble chafing my chin, the smell of beer on his breath. He released me and ran his hands down my bare arms. I shivered and captured his face in my hands, pouring all the adoration I could manage into a tender kiss. I needed him to know how much he was loved, not in spite of who he was but because of it. 

He pulled away and looked at me, disbelief clouding his features. To reassure him, I started caressing his cheekbones, cherishing every inch of skin with the backs of my fingers.  
He leaned into my touch. I shifted closer to him so I could rain kisses all over his faultless features. Gently kissing his forehead, his temples, his eyelids, those sculpted cheekbones, along his strong jaw, and that spot just below his left ear that I have wanted to lavish attention on for years. His breath quickened as I gently bit his neck, his hands roaming down my back. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. There was doubt and insecurity mixed with lust in his gaze. I knew what he was thinking. He didn’t deserve the reverence I was showing him. I leaned toward him, slowly, never breaking eye contact and laid my forehead against his. I needed him to know he was worthy of all the affection I had to give. He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against him, kissing me with gratitude. I shifted so we could lie down and to my surprise, he followed. 

The passion that flowed between us was undeniable but we moved slowly, with purpose. Our kisses were long and languid. I took my time, letting my hands roam all over, determined to memorize every line, every curve of his gorgeous body. He also seemed patient, covering each portion of my exposed skin with tender attention. 

Leaving my side briefly, he rose to remove his shirt and my breath left my lungs. My imagination had not done him justice. I reached for him, wanting to caress and nibble on the smooth, muscular skin there. Instead, he lifted me into a sitting position and removed my pajama shirt as well. Feeling his heated gaze settle on my breasts, I blushed. He smiled and returned to my arms, our bare flesh meeting in an urgent embrace. Just the sensation of his skin on mine was enough to make my head swim but he had more in store for me. 

The slow kisses continued but moved away from my mouth. He lingered along my jaw, my neck and collarbone. Moving south, his lips covered my shoulder while I dug my fingernails into his back. When his mouth finally reached my breast, I almost lost consciousness. His artful tongue sent fireworks all throughout my body. My hips were grinding against him, begging for release all on their own. He pinned my hips against the mattress and took my nipple between his teeth, tugging gently. I moaned loudly, convulsing against him. He smothered the sound with his mouth, releasing my hips and moving far enough away to unzip his jeans, sliding them and his boxers to the floor. 

Seeing his naked body in all its glory was just too much. He was perfect. Every feature flawless, symmetric… and did not disappoint. I drank in every inch of him. How could this man be with me? He was everything I had ever wanted and so much more. 

He made short work of my underwear and picked right back up where he had left off, kissing down my belly, nibbling and biting. My breath was coming in quick, stuttering pants. Parting my legs, the insides of my thighs received his full attention while his hands held my hips steady. 

My back was in full arch when he suddenly stopped touching me. Bewildered, I raised my head off the pillow and looked down at him. From between my legs, he was watching me with a smoldering gaze. He gave me a confident smirk and firmly kissed my clit. My barely stifled, guttural groan echoed off the walls and every muscle tensed in anticipation. I was still unprepared for the assault of his talented tongue. With every flick, every lick, every suckle, my senses were reeling and soon I could no longer control the massive climax growing inside of me. With one last nibble I came, screaming through clenched teeth, every muscle seizing tight in glorious release. 

I was still quivering when he entered me. I hissed at his girth. Jesus, he was even bigger than he looked. My reaction caused him to slow and he slid into me inch by inch. I adjusted quickly and started moving my hips against his thrusts. He groaned and picked up the pace, quickly losing himself. It didn’t take long for me to feel another fantastic orgasm building. 

Hey, wait… he was having all the fun. I decided to turn the tables on him, literally. I grabbed his arm and flipped us over so I was on top. He went willingly and I smirked down at him. I started again but this time it was agonizingly slow. He was having no part of that. He sat up, looking me directly in the eye and began moving me against him. This was fine with me because I could see him, really see his face and his reactions. I kissed him softly and the mood shifted. He again took my face in his hands and kissed me back just as sweetly. Our breath was coming in ragged gasps. He leaned his forehead against mine, his eyes never closing. When I felt my climax building, I threw my arms around his neck, clinging to him. I needed be closer. 

Just as a I fell, I whispered in his ear, “Dean, I… I love you.”

His answering groan was pained but with a final thrust, he came hard and crushed me to his chest. 

We stayed that way for a few blissful minutes, sweaty and satiated. But when he pulled away, the haunted look in his eyes told me I had made a mistake. And my heart broke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it... smut... Hope you liked it. ;)


	21. Chapter 21

With my head in the crook of his arm, splayed across his chest, I was as close to heaven as I could be. It would have been flat-out perfect except he was tense. Staring at the ceiling, he hadn’t said a word since I whispered in his ear. 

I leaned up on my elbow and just looked at him. He was lost in thought, his face serious. 

“Dean, I think I should explain myself.”

He glanced in my direction but only briefly, “Explain what?”

“Oh, is that how it’s going to be? Dean, roll over and look at me please.”

He did as I asked, attempting to keep his face neutral. His eyes betrayed him. In a word, he looked scared.

I sighed and began, “Dean, I told you I loved you for several reasons. For one thing, it’s true. Secondly, it’s important to me that you know how I feel. But I think you are misunderstanding the situation. I don’t expect anything in return.”

His neutral expression was gone. It was replaced with confusion and skepticism.

“What I feel… what I am giving to you, it’s a gift. Just because someone gives you a gift doesn’t mean you have to reciprocate. And you are allowed to accept the gift without feeling guilty.”

His expression hardened but I had gone too far to turn back.

“I know you, Dean. Better than you realize. I know you cannot have an ‘apple pie’ life. It’s not for you. I also know you think you are unlovable but you couldn’t be further from the truth. Yes, you have made mistakes and done horrible things. I am aware. There are also many, many things about you that make you a cut above the rest.”

He opened his mouth to interrupt me and I cut him off. “Nope, not your turn to talk. You are going to tell me I am wrong and I shouldn’t say those things. Tough shit, Winchester. These are my feelings and they are not invalid just because you say they are.”

He closed his mouth and gestured for me to continue.

“There’s another reason I said what I said and we are going to have to talk about this anyway. I know you are beyond furious that I jumped in on the hellhound kill but I had to. In the universe where I came from, Sam takes on the trials. Moments before he completed the third trial, you stopped him. You discovered that the trials would kill him. Of course I had to intervene. There is absolutely no way I am going to let anything happen to you or Sam. You are too damn important to the world. Not to mention, the man I love is not going to die. Not on my watch.”

Dean’s dead level gaze never wavered. 

“You done?”

I sighed, “Yes.”

He sat up in the bed and gave me the “you are going to listen to me” expression. 

“So what you are saying is that instead of me or Sam dying, it’s going to be you. And you are also saying that you love me and that you have no intention of letting me die because of the way you feel so I should just accept that? Bullshit. Why should I stand back and let you clean up our mess?”

“Because Dean, there is no other reason that we can find that I should be here! I know where and when the trials are supposed to happen. I know all the ‘bumps in the road’ and I am expendable. I was never supposed to be part of this universe!”

Dean was angry, very angry. His eyes went dead as he spoke, “What are you saying? That you are expendable? You are no more expendable than any of us. Don’t ever say that again.”

He threw back the covers and grabbed his boxers from the floor. “You are insane. Just plain, old fashioned nuts. You might have stolen the first trial from us but I am going to find another hell bitch and start all over again!”

“Dean, that makes no sense! I have already completed the first one. Why not let me continue? You and Sam don’t have to sacrifice yourselves and I don’t have to watch one of you die. I call that a win, win situation.”

Dean huffed, “You would see it that way. What about us having to watch you die? Had you thought about that? I guess not.”

He turned, opened the door, and left. 

Stunned, I sat on the edge of the bed with my mind racing in every direction. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his t-shirt laying close to my leg. I grabbed it, inhaled his wonderful scent and sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another gentle reminder that the "once a day" posting is going to be ending by the end of this week. I will give you a warning a couple of chapters ahead. I hope you are enjoying this and PLEASE comment to let me know! MoniJune can't be the only person reading this! LOL


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of DeansBitch, I am posting early today. :)

My room was too quiet. The silence filling the air left a slight ringing in my ears. I was all cried out and Dean’s shirt was damp from my tears. I stood with the intention of grabbing the bottle of cheap whiskey out of my dresser and drinking until the pain dulled and I could breathe. When I reached into the drawer, the bottle was there but it was friggin’ empty.

“Shit,” I sighed to myself. If I wanted liquor, I was going to have to go to the library. If Sam was still up, he was doing research and wouldn’t think me getting a drink in the middle of the night was a big deal. Honestly, I did it all the time. Dean had plenty of whiskey in his room and was more than likely in the shower. The numbness I was seeking was at the bottom of a glass and worth the risk. 

I grabbed my panties from the floor where Dean had deposited them and pulled his t-shirt on over my head. It hung to my mid-thigh and was enough to cover me in case Sam was anywhere around. 

Gingerly opening my door, I stopped just before it creaked and shimmied out, leaving it open behind me. With a light tread, I made my way to the library quickly. Just as I got to the corner, I heard voices. Seeing as there was no one else in the bunker, it had to be Sam and Dean. I tiptoed closer, determined to hear what was being said and if it had anything to do with what had transpired earlier.

“She said she loves me, Sammy,” Dean said softly.

“Yeah, you are surprised? It’s been pretty clear from the jump how she feels about you.”

“Well, it was clear to everyone but me. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to that? I don’t know anything about her and she knows everything about me!”

I heard Sam sigh and could mentally see him run his hands through his hair out of frustration, “Dean, think about what you just said. Dana knows you. Better than most people. Hell, probably better than I do. And she loves you, man. She truly does. Why are you freaking out about it? Take it for the absolute gift that it is and run with it. We don’t know how long she’s going to be here or how these trials are going to play out. And yes, it’s true, you don’t know about her past but you do know that she’s offering herself to you without asking for anything in return. Dammit Dean, for once, don’t question something to death and enjoy it!”

I heard Dean sigh and the audible thud of a heavy bottom glass being placed on the library table followed. 

“What if she dies, Sam? How am I going to feel if I let myself get even a little attached to her and she dies?”

“If she dies, Dean, how are you going to feel regardless? Why not make what time she’s got left happy and let her love you? Maybe, just maybe, think about what she needs instead of what you want?”

Not waiting for Dean’s reply, I stepped out of my hiding place and walked over to the cart where the liquor was kept. Bending over to get one of the full bottles off the bottom, I heard two surprised gasps from behind me. I smiled to myself, turned on my heel, and walked over to the table. 

Dean’s look of shock and admiration was almost my undoing but I had something to say so, I let ‘er rip. 

“You know something, Dean. You should listen to Sam every once in a while because the kid is a lot brighter than you give him credit for, you fucking idiot.”

Without a glance in Sam’s direction and not really caring to see the reaction my words had caused, I turned and stalked back down the hall. The bottle was open before I hit the door and a glass was going to be unnecessary. 

 

A half an hour later, the scalding water from the shower head was washing away the last of the tension from my shoulders. The whiskey had worked its magic and I was pretty drunk by that point. As a matter of fact, the bottle was still in my right hand. I lifted my head out from under the spray and took a deep swig, willing my brain to stop thinking about Dean Winchester. Sam had made my argument for me and it was in Dean’s hands now. Oh my god, Dean’s hands. My body betrayed me and the surge of heat through my veins made my knees a little weak. Even the blistering water couldn’t erase his touch from my skin. 

Replaying our lovemaking in my head, I heard the door to the shower room open but was too far into my own imagination to care. I felt the bottle slip from my hand but didn’t hear any glass breaking. I looked down and sure enough, no broken bottle. I turned and shrieked in surprise. Dean was there, naked, with my whiskey in his hand. Never taking his eyes from mine, he took a long pull off the bottle and set it at his feet. He stepped forward and let the spray wash over his chest. I took an involuntary step backward but Dean was having no part of that. Still wearing the same smoldering gaze, he grabbed my hip and pulled me against his tight body. Wrapping his other hand around the back of my neck, he crushed my lips to his, kissing me as if the world was on fire. I couldn’t help myself. I stopped breathing. When his lips finally left mine, I struggled to catch my breath. He moved his lips across my cheek to my ear. 

Still holding me close, he tucked my wet hair behind my ear and whispered, “I’m sorry, Dana. I am so sorry. Forgive me?”

I did what any girl would do. I pulled away to look in his emerald green eyes and said…

“No chick flick moments.”

With a grin, he pinned me to the tile wall with his hips, wrapped my legs around his waist and started right where we had left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys I would warn you when we were a couple of chapters away from daily posting. Call this your two chapter warning. :) Chapter 25 will be the last daily chapter and I will be updating once a week after that, on Wednesdays. Thank you for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late... I fell asleep. Oops. :\

The next few days were heaven. Apparently, Dean took mine and Sam’s words to heart and tried his best to make me happy. There was sex… lots of sex. Which would have been more than fine with me but there were also long drives in the Impala, listening to music we both could sing along to. There were homemade burgers and pies. There was even a starlight picnic, which had to have been Sam’s suggestion. I didn’t care. I got to make out with Dean in the backseat of his Baby. I got to see his eyes glow, lit by moonlight. And there was conversation, not just with him but Sam as well. Filling in the blanks about the things I didn’t know. But most of all, I got to know that he cared. His reasons were irrelevant.

I didn’t sleep much. I didn’t want to have any more dreams but more than that, I didn’t want to lose any time with Dean. I watched him sleep, for hours. He looked so much younger when he was sleeping. His amazing face, smooth and untroubled. The first night he slept in my room, he stayed on one side and I stayed on the other. The next night, he wrapped his arms around me tightly and held me until he was asleep and only then, he let go. That was the last night I slept without his touch. He wrapped me up in his strong arms and just held tight, not releasing me until morning. It was bliss but it was never meant to last, and last, it did not.

 

Kevin called during breakfast, his voice panicked. After Dean hung up his phone, he gave a knowing look to Sam and turned to me. 

As quickly as I could get the words out I said, “Go get him. Go get him from that boat and bring him here where he will be safe. He’s right. Crowley is after him.”

They both gave me questioning looks. Dean started to say something and I interrupted, “Dean, go and get him. No arguments. He’s your responsibility.”

Sam cocked his head at Dean, giving him the “she’s right” look and Dean grimaced. Dean glanced at me and gave me a lopsided grin, his eyes sparking heat.

Sam looked at us and said, uncomfortably, “I’m going to go pack.”

Dean called after him without looking, “Take your time.”

I smiled shyly at him and blushed. He leaned in and tilted my chin upward. “How about you give me a proper send off?”

I couldn’t think of anything to say so I laid my hand on his cheek and, as always, he leaned into my touch. He grabbed my hand, kissed my palm, and pulled me out of my chair, leading us to my bedroom. 

 

Our lovemaking wasn’t hurried. I didn’t want to let go of him. I wanted to be so selfish and tell him to send Sam to get Kevin. We’d have a few days alone. But if something were to happen to Sam or Kevin, neither one of us would be able to forgive ourselves. So, knowing I had to let him go, I savored every touch, every kiss. Because once Kevin was in the bunker, it would be time for the next trial and I wasn’t going to be well enough to make love with Dean anymore. I knew he would insist on taking care of me but I would miss this so much. We’d had so little time. And that thought was my undoing. I began to cry quietly as Dean moved slowly inside me, covering my neck and collarbone with feathery kisses. When his lips moved back up toward my cheek, he felt the moisture there and pulled back, looking alarmed.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

I shook my head and between hiccupping breaths, tried to explain. 

“Dean, when Kevin gets back here, he’s going to know what the next trial is. And I am going to do it. But it’s going to make me sick, very sick. So there won’t be any more of this. I   
don’t think I’ll have the strength. And I am going to miss this, miss you, so much. Just sharing this with you has been a dream come true. I don’t want to give this… us up.”  
His look of concern had turned into a look of resignation. 

“Then don’t do the trial. We can start over again and one of us will do it. That way you won’t get sick and we can still have this.”

“No, Dean,” I sighed, “You and your brother are protectors, not pawns. I am a pawn that isn’t even supposed to be here. Please, please, let me do this. God, please let me save you from the path that the trials are going to lead you and Sam down. I have to do this, Baby. I will not let you go dark side. It’s NOT going to happen. I love you too much to see that happen again!”

By this time tears had become sobs and I was clinging to him for dear life. He pulled back and looked into my eyes. I guess what he found there was enough to convince him that I wasn’t going to back down. He nodded and kissed me sweetly. He wiped the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs.

“Well, if this is our last time, let’s make it memorable.”

I grinned at him and he swung my leg up over his hip, thrusting a little harder than before. I gasped in pleasure and arched my back against him. 

“You like that?” Dean whispered in my ear, voice rough with desire. 

I moaned because that voice in my ear was almost enough to take me over the edge. 

“Open your eyes. I want to look at you,” he whispered again. 

When I looked up, he was gazing at me, gauging my reactions. Adjusting his angle, he lowered his weight on to his forearms so we were nose to nose. He rested his forehead on mine, never closing his eyes. 

“Tell me,” he said, “Tell me what you want.”

I said the first thing that popped in my head. 

“You, Dean. All I have ever wanted is you.”

His eyes closed and the groan that came from deep in his chest was one of pleasure, not pain. He looked at me again and crushed his lips to mine, claiming my mouth as his. I dug my fingers into the taut muscles of his back as his hips picked up the pace. 

He didn’t stop kissing me. His rhythm never faltered. I felt my climax building slowly, the sparks starting at the base of my spine and working their way all over the most sensitive parts of my body. 

I moaned his name, over and over. But what sent me over the edge was him moaning mine. 

“Dana…” Once was all it took.

I felt my toes curl and I exploded all around him, biting his lip to stifle the feral noise coming from deep in my chest. 

My undoing must have been his as well. I felt him thrust deeply once more and he muffled his cries of ecstasy against my shoulder.

He collapsed on to me, holding me close for a moment. I took the opportunity to kiss and caress his face. His face had always been fascinating to me but at that moment, it was endearing. 

He shifted his weight off to the side but still remained close, brushing the hair out of my eyes. Kissing my forehead, he tucked my head into his chest and wrapped me in a tender embrace.

“So,” he said quietly, “was that memorable enough?” I could feel his smug smile against the top of my head.

I laughed and replied, “Yeah, Winchester. If anything, you are memorable.”

He chuckled and held me tighter. We stayed that way until there was a gentle knock at the door.

“Dean? We need to get going.” Sam said, regret in his tone.

Dean answered, “I’ll be right out.”

He released me and I felt a small part of my heart shatter. I leaned up on my elbow.

“Go get our prophet. I’ll be here when you get back.”

“You’d better be.” He brought me to him for one more kiss and climbed out of bed. My reward was a first class view of his perfect ass. 

He caught me looking and out came the cocky grin again. “You like what you see?”

“Always, Gorgeous. Always.”

He finished dressing in silence. After tying his boot laces, he turned to me and kissed on the lips.

“I’ll call when we have him.”

“Please do,” I replied, “Be careful, Dean.”

“Always,” he replied. And with a tender kiss on my forehead, he stood and left without looking back.

I laid back on my bed, with the taste of Dean Winchester still on my lips. And I cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another reminder, the daily chapter posting of this story will end in a couple of days. :) I still have chapters in the pipeline so no need to get worried. Just wanted to catch up with my FanFiction account and post at the same time. I'll be posting on Wednesdays. Thank you all SO much for reading. I am loving writing this. :)


	24. Chapter 24

The bunker was cold and empty without the boys there. Before, when they had to leave, I would amuse myself with the cars in the garage or books and baths. But this time, things were different. I was different. I felt older, almost worn out somehow. Funny how something like dying will change your perspective on your life. 

After Dean left and I cried for a while, I fell into a deep sleep. I was physically and mentally exhausted. Inevitably, I began to dream. I was sitting on a couch with my legs crossed.

There was muted glow coming from a lamp on my left. I was typing on a laptop, having a conversation with someone on Facebook. The person’s name was Monica and we were talking about the latest episode of Supernatural. 

“Metatron is such a complete dick!” she wrote.

Shaking my head, I replied, “I know, right? I swear if I had the opportunity, I would take that bastard out myself.”

I woke with a start, lying perfectly still, just listening to my ragged breathing. Was that just a dream or a peek into my former life? I realized the answer didn’t matter. I knew what  
I needed to do.

Dressing quickly, I opened my door and made my way to the library. I lowered my head and prayed for the angel I knew could help me with my plan. 

 

They would be there to transport me any minute. Naomi had agreed to my request with fervor. She had been looking for him for a long time. She also understood my need for vengeance. I, however, did not. I had remembered he was out there, of course, but why now? I knew the answer to the question before I had asked it. After the second trial, I wasn’t going to have the strength to kill him. And I wanted, no needed, to be the one to end his pathetic existence.  
I had taken care in choosing what I would wear, even taking time to put on makeup. I wore tight jeans, a tight white t-shirt, boots, and one of Dean’s jackets. I applied my makeup with care, like a warrior preparing for battle. Because that’s what I was doing, preparing for something sinister and evil. Maybe it would be easier if I was someone other than myself. 

When the angels appeared, I was pacing the floor, twirling my angel blade like a baton. I went over my plan with them carefully, making sure they were clear on what I needed from them. Once they indicated they understood, I was ready.

 

We popped into the hotel just outside the door marked 366. Stunt Angels One, Two, and Three were flanking me. I gave the signal and number two broke down the door with a mighty kick. Huge stacks of books, which seemed to be everywhere, toppled as we searched for him. 

“In here,” Angel Three called.

He was in the kitchen, tending a kettle of water that had just begun to steam. From the doorway I could see the terror on his face. Perfect, I thought.

“Take him in the other room and do exactly as I have instructed, please,” I asked in a calm voice. Strangely, I felt calm. I knew deep in my soul I was doing the right thing. 

The angels took him into the living area and tied him to a chair. 

I sauntered back into the room and just stared at him. I felt sorry for the poor bastard that had been his vessel. Not an attractive man, at all. I thought briefly of Dean and his perfect face but quickly put him out of my mind. 

The triplets had taken their positions, one on either side of the chair and one guarding the door. 

I walked toward the bewildered man looking back at me with wild eyes. 

“I know who you are,” I said quietly.

“Then you have me at a disadvantage,” he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I laughed. “Me? I’m no one. Just a lowly human.”

“Then why have you taken me prisoner?”

I laughed again. “I haven’t taken you prisoner. Imprisoning someone indicates a long term situation.”

His eyes grew wide and more fearful. “Then you are here to kill me.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yahtzee!” I exclaimed, taking a few steps closer to him, “But don’t you want to know why?”

He had the nerve to raise his eyebrows at me and look bored. 

Have you ever had one of those moments where you take a step outside yourself and don’t recognize who you are? That moment had arrived. The calm that had settled over me earlier shattered. My vision hazed and I could taste my bloodlust, metallic, on my tongue.

Within two strides, I was had crossed the room. I bent over him, blade at his throat. 

“How dare you look at me with disinterest, you pathetic, self-centered bastard?!? You are going to die because you deserve it! In the very near future, you were going to take advantage of an angel who just wanted to fix his home. You were going to close heaven and expel all the angels!”

I took the end of my blade and sliced across his cheek, “You were going to kill one of my friends, Kevin.”

He screamed in agony, blue light escaping through the thin wound.

“You were going to kill a lot of innocent people and angels alike.” I drug the blade across his other cheek.

“But most of all, you were going to kill the man I love. But not anymore. You know why?”

Another cut, another scream. “Because I am here and I can protect all those people from you.”

I stood in front of him, pulsing with rage. “You are never going to hurt any of them, you bastard. Now, you are just going to die.”

I swung the silver blade with all the built up frustration and fury inside me and plunged it into his chest. He glowed white, body contorting in pain, his blood spurting onto my arm and face. For one brief second, the room crackled with energy, making the hair all over me rise. Then, he fell limp. It was over. The threat he posed to the world was never to be. Metatron was dead. 

I looked at one of the angels, panting and exhausted from my exertions, “I’m done here. Take me back, please.”

He nodded and touched my shoulder. I appeared in the bunker’s library but much to my surprise, I was not alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really enjoyed writing this chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it as well.
> 
> Tomorrow will be the last daily update. I'll post a new chapter on Wednesday evenings. I am several chapters ahead and writing a lot so no need to worry that I am abandoning this one. I have to see this one through to the end. 
> 
> Thank you for the comments. They mean so much. Please, let me know what you are thinking. I love to hear it. Namaste, bitches. ;)


	25. Chapter 25

Sam and Kevin were on either side of the long wood table and Dean, who had obviously been pacing, was standing less than five feet from me with his gun pointed at my face. All of them were now on their feet and looking startled. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I yelled at Dean and he immediately lowered his gun. The angel who had returned with me took a step toward Dean with a threatening look on his face. 

I wheeled around to stop him with a hand on his chest, “No, no! It’s ok. Please leave.” Again he simply nodded and vanished. 

“What the fuck is going on?!?” Dean yelled, “Was that an angel? Why are you covered in blood? Is that my jacket?”

I put up my hands to stop the verbal onslaught. “I can explain all of it, ok? Just give me a minute.”

I turned to pull out a chair and my knees buckled. Dean was at my side in a second. 

“You ok? Are you wounded?”

“No,” I exhaled, “Just really tired. Do we have any juice?”

“I’ll get you some,” Sam said with a little irritation and worry in his voice.

Dean leaned in and whispered, “Seriously, are you ok?”

I touched his cheek with my fingertips. “Yes, I’m fine. Just took a lot out of me.”

Sam returned with a glass of grape juice and I took a big gulp. “Thank you, Sam.”

He nodded, concern clouding his features, and took his seat at the table. I could tell from the look on his face that he was ready for some answers. Dean had the same look and took the seat next to mine. Kevin looked scared and really confused. 

“Kevin, my name is Dana. It’s an honor to meet you. I’m sure you have lots of questions but the questions Sam and Dean have are more pressing at the moment. I promise you I’ll answer whatever you want to know once things are done here. Ok?”

He nodded slightly and we shared a smile. 

“Ok, fine, we’ll have tea and crumpets later. Now, you have some explaining to do.” Dean said gruffly. 

I sighed and took a deep breath, “Yes, that was an angel. He works for Naomi, who is kind of in charge of the angel CIA. I have been working with her. It was one of her men that took me to Idaho.”

“So that’s how you got there,” Sam muttered, “That’s been bugging me.”

I nodded at him and continued, “I am covered in blood because I just killed an angel named Metatron.”

I looked at Dean and his eyes were wide with shock. “You killed an angel.”

My answering look was devoid of any emotion, “He had it coming.”

Dean glanced at Sam and back at me. “Ok. So what did this angel do?”

“Let’s see. He used another angel, housed in Sam’s body, to kill Kevin. He took Cas’ grace to invoke a spell that expelled all angels from Heaven and sealed the gates so no one could get back in. He hurt and killed a lot of people and angels, all in the name of vengeance.”

I turned to look at Dean and whispered with barely contained fury, “But most of all, he took your life. And for that act alone, he had to pay.”

Dean turned ashen and I lowered my head, not daring to look at any of them. Metatron had deserved to die but I was still ashamed that I had taken his life.

“And yes, I am wearing your jacket. I took it from your room and wore it because it helped me become who I needed to be to do what I had to do.”

Dean reached out and touched my knee. I laid my hand on his. I don’t know who needed comforting more, him or me.

“Is Naomi a threat?” Sam asked.

“In my universe, she was. Here, I have managed to convince her to work with me until I can turn the Angel and Demon tablets over to her.”

Dean was out of his chair and yelling, “What?”

“Just let me explain, dammit!” 

Sam and Dean had the good sense to look stunned. I had never raised my voice to them before. Kevin still looked confused.

“Once the trials are over, the tablets are useless to her. And they should be stored in Heaven, where they can be looked after. That’s where they were written and where they belong.”

No one said anything in argument so I assumed they agreed with me on that point. 

I was growing impatient with the third degree. My face was itching from the dried blood and makeup. And I was really, really tired. I still hadn’t recovered my strength from the first trial. Come to think of it, I never would. 

That thought drained me further and I sighed loudly, “What else do you want to know? Because I need a shower and a drink. So, please excuse me.”

I stood with the intention of stomping off to my room but my knees had other plans and gave way on me yet again. Dean caught me this time, grabbing my waist to keep me upright.

“That’s enough for now. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.”

He picked me up bridal style and carried me to my room. I didn’t have the strength to argue with him. The adrenaline was wearing off quickly and I was spent. 

Sitting me on my bed, he slipped his jacket off my shoulders, tossing it on to the corner chair. He knelt in front of me, unzipping my boots.

“You look like shit.”

I chuckled, “Gee thanks, Dean. I really needed to hear that right now. Any other horrible comments you want to make about my appearance?”

Looking up at me through his lashes, he whispered, “No. I just want to take care of you.”

I gave him a tired smile and kissed his forehead. “For once, I am not going to argue with you.”

He finished undressing me and wrapped me in my fluffy bathrobe. Again, carrying me in his arms, he took me to the shower room. 

“I would run you a bath but this will be much faster,” he said as he set me on my feet, leaning against the tile wall, “You good there?”

I nodded and sank down to the floor, watching him while he quickly stripped off his clothing. No matter how weary I was, I’d never tire of looking at his beautiful body. He came and helped me to my feet, keeping one arm around my waist. The shower was already running and steamy hot when we got under the spray. An involuntary moan escaped my lips. 

“Feel good?” 

“Yes,” I replied, “Almost as good as sex.”

The look of shock and disappointment on his face made me giggle, “I said almost.”

He smiled and went to work lathering up a cloth to wash me with. He started at my face, gently scrubbing off the blood and makeup. 

“There. That’s much better.”

“All the blood gone?” I asked, puzzled at his reaction.

“And the makeup,” he replied, “You don’t need it.”

I couldn’t help it. I blushed. Dean didn’t hand out compliments often. 

He continued to wash, catching every inch of my body. When he neared my hips, I noticed his cock growing long and hard.

“Like what you see, Winchester?” I teased.

“I am a red-blooded American male. And you are one beautiful woman.” 

I was stunned. There was awe in his voice, almost a reverence in his words that he had never expressed before. I placed my hand on his head and stroked his soaking hair.  
He stood and looked me in the eye. For a split second, I could have sworn I saw something there but it was gone before I could be sure. 

“You’re squeaky clean,” he smiled. He touched a few locks of my hair and commented, “There’s blood in your hair. Lemme wash it real quick before you pass out on me.”

He reached for the shampoo and lathered his hands. 

“Turn around,” he said with a husky voice.

I complied and he began washing. His touch was amazingly gentle and soon, I was starting to get very drowsy. 

Gripping my shoulders, he turned me under the spray and rinsed the suds from my head. 

“Ok, you are done. Let’s dry you off and get you to bed.”

It was too easy. 

“Why, Dean, you would take advantage of a girl in such a vulnerable situation?” The words came out slurred.

He gave me a cocky, half smile and replied, “It is tempting, Dana, but I don’t do coma patients.”

The sound of my name on his tongue caused me to shiver. 

“No more play time. You are getting cold. Time to get dry.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t the cold that made me shiver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I have been warning, this will be the last of the daily chapters. I'll be updating from now on Wednesdays evenings. :)
> 
> Thank you again for the comments. They are sincerely appreciated. I hope you all are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it.


	26. Chapter 26

After thoroughly drying my hair so I wouldn’t “catch my death”, which I found ironic, he dressed me in my panties and one of his t-shirts. I wondered why, but only for a moment, because his wonderful smell enveloped me and I felt safe. 

I used the last of my energy to crawl into my bed. Dean stripped down to his boxers and crawled in beside me. When he drew me into his arms, I sighed loudly. I had been worried he would leave me alone and I didn’t want to be. 

“You know,” he said softly, “You aren’t off the hook for your little escape today.”

“I know,” I mumbled, “But it was worth it.”

“Was this Metatron that much of a threat?”

“So much more than you realize. But, like I said, that’s not why I killed him.”

He rested his chin on the top of my head, “You ganked him because he killed me in your universe?”

“Yes. And because he killed you, the Mark of Cain twisted your soul and you became a demon. There was no way I was going to let that slide.”

“So he gave me the Mark?”

I shrugged, “Well, no. You got into that mess all on your own. Crowley convinced you it was the only way to kill Abaddon. So you took on the Mark and Crowley got the First Blade for you. The First Blade is what Cain used to kill his brother.”

I felt Dean tense under my cheek, “Cain, as in, Cain and Abel?”

I yawned, “Those are the guys.”

“Wow.”

“That’s putting it mildly. You don’t do anything by halves, Dean,” I said with a trace of sarcasm.

He chuckled and the vibration felt good on my cheek. “I suppose I should thank you. You saved a lot of people today.”

“Honestly, there is only one person I was thinking about. I’m not proud of what I did today. Releasing all that anger and hatred felt good but in the end, I took a life out of vengeance. When you get right down to it, I am no better than Metatron.”

“Hey,” he said with an edge in his deep voice, “What you did today was heroic. You put yourself at risk to save others. You have nothing to feel ashamed of.”

I felt tears begin to form, “Then why do I feel so terrible?”

“Because you are a good person with a heart. And when you have to do something like that, it leaves a mark on you that you can’t wash away. You just have to try and learn to live with it.”

I picked my head up and looked at him in a way I never had before. We now had something more in common than just music and cars. 

“Thank you for that. It helps.”

“You’re welcome,” he replied, “You need rest. Go to sleep.”

“Will you stay with me?” 

“As long as you need me to.” 

He leaned down, his knuckles grazing my cheek and gave me a sweet, soft kiss. I sighed against his lips.

When I laid my head in his chest and he held me against him, I could almost forget that I had killed that day. He was safe and he was with me. That was all that mattered. 

 

When I woke up, my head was in his lap and he was stroking my hair. Felt so nice I snuggled a little deeper into his stomach. Then I heard him chuckle, but it wasn’t Dean’s chuckle. I jumped up with a start.

“Whoa… you’re ok. It’s me,” Sam said.

I ran my fingers through my wild hair and tried to gather my thoughts, “What are you doing in my bed?”

“Dean wanted to eat and take a shower. He asked me to check on you. When I did, you were thrashing around, like you were having a bad dream so I was comforting you.”

I felt pretty stupid for thinking something else, “Oh. Thank you. I appreciate that.”

Sam and I hadn’t spent much time alone since Dean and I were together, I guess. It was nice to have him to myself for a little bit. 

“How long have I been asleep?”

Sam grimaced, “It’s been like seventeen hours or so.”

“Wow… I musta been pretty tired. Man, I still am. But I seriously need to pee. I’ll be right back.”

Sam chuckled again as I stumbled off to the half bath in my room. I couldn’t help the loud sigh that escaped when I was all done. I washed my hands and tried to return to bed but I ran smack into the door frame and fell.

He was out of bed and at my side in a second. “Holy shit! You ok?”

“Yeah,” I replied, rubbing my cheek, “That’s going to leave a nasty bruise.”

He helped me up off the floor and put me back to bed. After tucking the blankets around me, he turned to leave.

“Sam, don’t go, please,”

“Why?” he asked gently.

I answered as honestly as I could, “I don’t have a lot of time left and I am scared. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.”

It only took him one stride to come back and sit on the edge of the bed. He removed his boots and his jeans, sliding under the covers with me. He drew me into his firm yet gentle embrace and rubbed my hair. I felt safe with him, knowing nothing would ever hurt me as long as they were protecting me. 

“Your bed is much more comfortable than mine.”

I giggled and snuggled into his chest. Having him hold me didn’t confuse me like it did when I was in Dean’s arms. I loved Sam but I was not in love with him. Part of me wished I   
was because I knew he could return that love in a real way. Some lucky woman would capture his heart one day and he would take her breath away.

With that thought in mind, I fell deeply asleep. 

 

The next time I was awakened was by the delicious smell of food. My stomach grumbled and I realized Sam was gone. When I opened my eyes, Dean was sitting a tray of food on the bed. Looked like soup and grilled cheese. 

“Hey, sleepy head. You hungry?” His smile was genuine and dazzling.

“Yeah, I am starving.”

“That’s a good sign.” he smiled again and I couldn’t help but smile back. 

Then his smile disappeared, “There’s a bruise on your cheek. What happened?”

I touched the tender spot on my face and winced.

“I was going to the bathroom and lost my balance. Fell into the door frame.”

Dean grimaced, “I told Sammy to look out for you, not let you face plant in the floor.”

“I don’t think he realized I was so unsteady on my feet. I certainly didn’t.”

“Go on, eat. I’ll have a talk with Sammy later.” He pushed the tray toward me and it was a grilled cheese sandwich. The soup brought tears to my eyes. It was tomato and rice. 

I looked up at him and quietly said, “Thank you.”

“What? It’s just soup and a sandwich.”

“It’s tomato and rice soup. One of my favorites.”

“Mine too,” he replied softly.

So I dug in with gusto. “Tell me what I have missed lately.”

“Well, Kevin figured out the second trial.”

“Yeah, take an innocent soul from Hell and release it to Heaven.”

Dean looked surprised for a moment and then continued, “But we don’t know how to get there or who is innocent.”

“I know how to get there and who we are going to release. Bobby is in Hell.”

Dean stood and some of my soup sloshed over the side of the bowl, “How? Bobby was a good man.”

“Crowley did it. Bastard. Don’t worry. We will go get him.”

“How, exactly?”

“Well,” I began, “there are rogue reapers who will take you to Purgatory and point you in the direction of Hell, for a price. I know of one and where we can find him. Bobby hitches a ride with me and we get him upstairs. Simple.”

Dean glared at me, “Yeah, walking through Purgatory and breaking into Hell… real simple. Are you honestly as crazy as you sound?”

“Most of the time, yeah,” I grinned at him, “Let me finish eating. I’ll put on some clothes and we’ll talk strategy in the library because there are errands that need to be done while I am in Purgatory.”

“Sounds like you have a plan. Yeah, we’ll see. Ok, finish up because I want Bobby out of there ASAP.”

“I understand, Dean. I really do.” I said quietly. I knew what Bobby meant to the boys and I was glad I was going to be the one to rescue him. I owed him so much for taking care of them. 

Dean sat back down on the bed and I realized he wasn’t going to leave me alone to eat. 

Reading my mind, he said matter of factly, “You aren’t going anywhere alone as long as you are still stumbling and falling. So, I am going to sit here with you and help you dress.”

“Dean Winchester, has anyone ever told you that you are a mother hen?”

He smirked, “Every once in a while. Eat.”

I couldn’t help but sigh and smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all SO much for the wonderful comments. They touch my heart and make me want to write the bestest fanfiction in the world for you!
> 
> In light of Jared's t-shirt story, I'll share part of my own. I suffer from clinical depression and fight daily with demons that almost took my life almost two years ago. But I was lucky. I have an amazing husband, who I went to for help and he got that help for me. I am medicated and in therapy but every day is a struggle. But, I made a promise to my hubby that I would never take my own life. And there are days I really want to break that promise. But I don't. I keep fighting. Jared has asked us to keep fighting. I bought my shirt yesterday and will wear it until it's threadbare because it will remind me. 
> 
> If you would like to get one of those shirts or are interested in reading Jared's heartfelt letter to us, the link is https://represent.com/jared 
> 
> Thanks for listening and Always Keep Fighting. Love you guys! :)


	27. Chapter 27

Dean had assembled everyone in the library, including Cas, per my request. I wasn’t stumbling around as much as earlier but I wasn’t exactly steady. Dean followed behind me like I was a toddler. It was pissing me off to no end. I was ushered to a seat at the head of the table. 

“Where’s Sam?” I asked.

He came in the room with a mug of something steamy and a sweatshirt draped over his arm. He handed me the mug, which turned out to be tea, and one of his enormous hoodies. 

“Thought you might be cold,” he muttered, shyly and blushed a little.

I grinned at him, “Thank you, Sam. I appreciate it.”

He nodded and took a seat next to Dean, effectively giving me the floor.

“Thank you all for listening to what I have to say,” I began, “Everyone here is aware of the three trials that are involved in closing the gates of hell, yes?”

Everyone nodded so I continued, “Everyone is also aware of what the second trial is?”

I received four nods again. “Rescuing Bobby is of the utmost importance and not just because it’s part of the trial. Here’s what I have been thinking. Considering that I am having a hard time walking in a straight line, I probably wouldn’t last long in Purgatory much less Hell. So, it seems logical that someone come with me. Seeing as Dean spent a year in Purgatory, I figure he would be the best candidate.”

So far no one had objected so I pushed forward, “Dean, there is a rogue Reaper named Ajay in Kansas City, Missouri. He can get us into Purgatory. From there we break into Hell and get Bobby out. Ajay is supposed to come back for us in 24 hours but he’s going to get himself killed when Crowley gets wind of what we are up to. So, we are going to get ourselves out through the portal you left through. Bobby will hitch a ride with me.”

Dean nodded and I turned to Sam.

“Sam, while Dean and I are working on the trial, it’ll be up to you to rescue Kevin’s mother.”

Kevin stood, stunned, and sank to his knees, “She’s alive? Crowley told me she was dead.”

“Kevin, Honey, he lied. I know where she is and we are going to get her back for you.”

He stood and threw his arms around my shoulders, sobbing. I hugged him as tight as I could manage, trying to comfort him as much as I could. 

He withdrew after a minute or two and sat back down, wiping his eyes with the ends of his sleeves. 

“Sam, she’s in a storage facility in Wichita. There are going to be some traps and such but I am pretty sure I can walk you through them.”

He nodded, his face grim but I saw the purpose in his eyes. 

“Cas, I am going to need you to retrieve the Angel Tablet from its resting place. I can give you a location but nothing precise. For that, you are going to have to find Meg and have her tell you exactly where it is.”

“Meg?” Dean questioned, “She knows where the angel tablet is?”

“Not exactly. She knows where Lucifer’s secret crypt is and that’s where the tablet is kept but only an angel can retrieve it. But your task isn’t just getting the tablet. You have to convince Crowley you are on the run from Naomi because she wants the tablet. And you are going to give the tablet to him when he catches you. We need a bargaining chip to lure Crowley in so we can capture him.”

Sam interrupted, “Why would we want to capture Crowley?”

I looked at Sam and sighed, “Because he’s the last trial.”

 

After hours of planning and giving the key players as much information as I could, it was decided that we would start our respective journeys in the morning. The Winchesters weren’t really comfortable splitting up but it was necessary. 

Kevin excused himself and went to his room. Hearing that his mother was alive was a lot to take in and I was sure he needed some time to process. He’d tried desperately to get Sam to take him along but no one, including me, would budge. He was completely safe at the bunker and that’s where he would stay.

Dean, Sam, and Cas discussed strategy for hours and my head began to droop. I felt Dean put his palm on my forehead, checking me for a fever. 

Then he scooped me from the chair into his arms, “Come on, Sleeping Beauty, time for some shut eye.”

I curled into his chest and breathed in his scent. I could have stayed there forever. 

He opened my door and carried me to my bed, lying me down gently.

“You are getting easier to carry. Too easy, actually. You’re not going all Supermodel on me, are you?”

I giggled, “Yeah, Dean. I am thinking of ditching my career of saving the world to walk the runway.”

He chuckled and looked at me with a softness in his eyes.

“It might be healthier for you in the long run.”

“But not nearly as rewarding. Not by a long shot.”

He leaned over and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. 

“Get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow.”

I frowned, “You’re not going to stay?”

Shaking his head, he replied, “There are some things we still need to go over. But I won’t be long, promise. Please sleep.”

He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I need you sharp tomorrow. You are going to be watching my ass.” 

He turned to leave the room and I couldn’t help myself, “And it’s such an amazing ass.”

He looked back at me, gave me a cocky half grin, waggled his eyebrows and shut the door.

 

When he finally came to bed I was lying on my side. He cuddled in behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist. Just feeling the heat of his body against my back made me feel so safe. He kissed my shoulder briefly and within minutes his breathing became deep and even. As I drifted off, my last thought was that Dean Winchester was spooning me and tomorrow I was going to be fighting with him, side by side. Must be fan fiction. 

 

Dean was dressed when he woke me. There was a cup of coffee and toast with peanut butter sitting on the side table. 

“Get moving,” he said quietly, “We are leaving in 15. I let you sleep as long as I could.”

I groaned and rolled out of the bed. I ate quickly and threw on the clothes Dean had laid out for me. As I was brushing my teeth, I realized that Dean was treating me like a toddler. Admittedly, I wasn’t really doing so well physically but I could still pick out my own clothes. 

In a foul mood, I stumbled into the library where Dean was waiting. Cas had already checked in and left. Sam headed out much earlier, eager to get his mission accomplished. Kevin was standing by the table with a large cup of coffee in one hand and a cell phone in the other. 

Dean walked over to me. “I was about to come and check on you. We need to hit the road.”

“Sorry I took so long,” I muttered, “I thought you’d appreciate it if I brushed my teeth.”

Dean looked a little shocked as I was rarely grumpy. Kevin smiled and snickered a little under his breath. 

“Kevin, be ready if we need something.”

He nodded, “Sure thing, Dean. You guys be careful.”

I glanced at him before I turned toward the garage, “I hope to meet your mom very soon.”

He gave me a little smile, “I hope so too, Dana.”

 

When Dean and I got to the garage, Baby was already packed and ready to go. Dean had extra blankets in the back seat, a thermos of coffee and a small pillow in the front. He’d thought of everything. 

I couldn’t help but warm to how thoughtful he was being. I had noticed a gradual shift in our relationship happening ever since Kevin had arrived but the small gestures let me know he still cared. 

I understood why he was pulling away. The end was drawing near and he was protecting himself. I didn’t blame him one bit. He was going to have to say goodbye. So I accepted him as my caretaker instead of my lover. I’d take him any way I could get him.

We climbed into the car and Dean started her up. The rumble made me smile.

He turned to me and said, “You ready for this?”

I shrugged, “As ready as I’ll ever be. Let’s go.” 

He smiled grimly and pulled the Impala out of the garage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys again for reading. I hope you liked it.
> 
> For those of you that keep asking me to "update soon", I update every Wednesday. Just so you know. :)
> 
> Been having a little trouble writing lately because of a medication change. There is one more chapter in the pipeline and then I am out of prewrites. I am going to work on it this week, hopefully. Send me love, folks. I could use it.


	28. Chapter 28

I fell asleep as soon as the Impala left the bunker. Her engine was more soothing than the best lullaby. When Dean shook me awake, we were in the parking lot of some no name motel. I had my head in his lap and I was covered in the blanket I had seen in the back seat. 

He was looking down at me with tired eyes. “Hey, Sleepy Head. I am wrecked so I need some shuteye. I’m gonna get us a room. You stay here, ok?”

I sat up, stretched, and yawned. He chuckled at me and opened the door to the cool night air. I shivered and watched him walk toward the motel office. I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. He walked with such confidence. He took my breath away. I was surprised to feel heat wash through my veins. I hadn’t felt well enough to think about sex for a while. And here I was, rooming with Mr. Sex on Legs. Well, maybe it was time I thanked him for taking such good care of me. 

 

He came back with the room key and pulled the Impala around the back of the building. I climbed out of the car and was pleased to discover that I felt stronger and steadier on my feet. I walked around to the trunk to help with the bags but Dean already had everything and was on his way to the door. 

“Hey, stay in the car. I’ll come back for you in a second,” Dean demanded.

I sighed and walked in after him, “Dean, I can walk. I am feeling better actually.”

He dropped the bags and turned to me, “Really? That’s good to hear. Must have been all that sleep.”

I grinned at him and his answering smile stoked the flames in my blood. 

“I’m gonna grab a shower and hit the hay. You be ok for a little bit?”

“Yes, Dean, I’ll be fine.” He nodded and stripped off his shirt on the way to the bathroom. I gasped. Jesus, his shoulders were magnificent. Hearing him turn on the water, I hatched a plan.

 

I slipped through the bathroom door without a sound. He was facing the spray, humming AC/DC, when I peeked around the curtain. I stepped in quietly and took the hotel soap, lathering up my hands. When I touched his back, he spun around and grabbed me by the throat. 

Realizing I wasn’t a threat, he let go quickly and shouted, “What in the hell is the matter with you? I could have killed you!”

I decided that I wasn’t going to get anywhere with him unless I looked repentant.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to scare you. I was feeling kinda gross and decided I wanted a shower too,” I replied, chastised. I looked down at my feet, trying my best to look ashamed but my gaze made it as far as his crotch, which looked happy to see me. 

I decided to be bold. Taking a step forward, my slick hands found his hard cock and he flinched backward. 

“Hey,” he tried to shout but his voice cracked, just a little, “You are sick and we shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Dean, I told you I was feeling better. I meant it. Besides, you have been so sweet to me. I thought I would thank you in an appropriate manner.”

He scowled, “Less than twenty-four hours ago, you couldn’t walk in a straight line.”

“And tomorrow, I am going to enter hell to save the world. Is it such a crime to want to do that with a fucking smile on my face?” I returned his scowl.

His features softened, “Baby, I need you strong tomorrow. This isn’t a picnic we are strolling into.”

“Dean, I am well aware of what we are up against. I could die tomorrow. We both could. Why can’t we just enjoy tonight? Please, Dean, I need you close. Please.”

He gazed at me for a few seconds before his eyes smoldered. I thought he was going to crush his lips to mine but instead, he simply leaned toward me and gave me a chaste kiss. 

For a moment, I was completely stunned at the emotions that ran through me. The dizzying desire that washed over me made my knees weak. But there was more in his kiss. There was a gentleness there I’d never felt before. 

His hands roamed over my back and hips, tenderly caressing the flesh there but he wasn’t touching anything else. Normally by now, he was rounding second base, about to slide into third.

I curled my arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape, reveling in the feel of his full lips on mine. When he pulled away, a smile played at the corners of his mouth.  
He grabbed a wash cloth, lathered it with soap and proceeded to wash every inch of me. He would stop regularly to kiss me, taking his sweet time, never in a rush. 

After I was thoroughly rinsed, it was his turn. I opted to use my hands instead of the wash cloth, making sure to get every square inch clean, even his hair. Turning his own tactics  
on him, I would stop every now and then, pulling him into a slow, languid kiss. 

We toweled each other off quickly. He didn’t want me to get cold. Dean also insisted that he dry my hair. I just smiled and let him. It felt amazing being pampered but I was getting impatient. I wanted his hands on me.

Satisfied when he was all done, he ran his fingers through my tousled hair. As I watched him in the mirror, his eyes darkened. He spun me around and pinned me against the sink with his hips. I felt his arousal against my stomach and ached to touch it, to touch him. 

He took my face between his hands, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs, and just looked at me. I was confused by the emotions in his bottle green eyes. I wanted to believe what was there. I wanted to believe he loved me and wanted nothing more than for me to be safe and in his arms. But there had to be some mistake. Dean didn’t love. He couldn’t. Besides, he could have any woman he wanted. Why in the hell would he choose me? 

Dean saw the doubt in my eyes. He brushed my hair behind my ear and kissed me with the same gentleness as before. But this kiss was more insistent; like he was trying to convey what he was feeling. I was so drawn to him but I just couldn’t believe. I’d give my life for him but I was afraid to give him any more of my already broken heart.

Swooping me up in his arms, he carried me to the bed and we picked up where we had left off in the shower; kissing, touching, tasting, feeling… 

 

What could have been minutes or hours later, he was still inside me, just gazing at my face when he suddenly whispered, “I can’t do this.” 

He leapt out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt from his duffel. He dressed at top speed, not even stopping to put on his boots, and headed for the door. 

As soon as I realized he was about to leave I reacted instinctively and jumped out bed, screaming at him, “Dean Winchester! Don’t you DARE walk out that door!”

He froze. After a second, he reached for the knob and I lunged for him. Grabbing his arm, I spun him around and got right in his face.

“Dean, I am fucking serious! Don’t you leave, not this time.”

He might have been facing me but he was staring at the floor. 

“Look at me.”

“I can’t,” he finally whispered.

“Please, Baby. Look at me,” I pleaded.

He raised his eyes to mine and the pain in them made my heart clench.

“You are going to die,” he said with a ragged breath.

My vision blurred and hot tears ran down my cheeks. 

“Yes, I am. We all are. And we get closer, every second. Instead of letting some disease or an accident take my life from me, I am choosing to give it for something meaningful. Please don’t let that cause you pain. It’s my choice. And you would do the same thing for Sam… for the world. Don’t run from me. Not this time.”

He nodded and pulled me into a tight embrace. I could feel his thundering heartbeat against my cheek. I didn’t want him to hurt or grieve. I never wanted Dean to be in pain because of me but he needed to know that this was necessary. Both my dying and my love for him had purpose. I had to save him from his own stupid decision but I also had to convince him he was worth loving. 

“Come back to bed with me,” I said softly against his chest. 

I felt him sigh and he pulled away, taking my hand and leading me back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, folks... I have one more prewritten chapter in the pipeline. Please, please send happy, inspirational thoughts my way as I do not want to have to put this story on hold.
> 
> I mentioned before that I have been diagnosed bipolar II and I had a med change a couple of weeks ago that has sent me into rapid cycling. Which means, I have been shifting from being really happy, to ok, to not ok, to thinking about suicide, all fairly quickly. Writing right now can be really easy or completely impossible. Please be patient with me. I am not giving up on this and I don't want you to either. :)
> 
> Always Keep Fighting... Love y'all... :)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a little late... I'll tell you why at the end. :)

I awoke entirely too early with a bad case of dry mouth. I was surprised to discover that Dean and I were still naked and wrapped around each other like vines. His head was on my chest, his features slack with sleep. I could not resist kissing him on the forehead just above his brow bone. He sighed and snuggled deeper into my chest. Razor burn, razor burn… ow, ow, ow! He seriously needed to shave. The next time we had sex I was going to demand a clean shaven Dean so I wouldn’t have to spend the next day walking funny. Then it hit me, there weren’t going to be any more chances to make love. After today, the second trial would be complete. I was going to waste no time getting to trial number three because I didn’t want to drag this out any longer than necessary. I was already way too attached to the Winchesters, even to Cas and Kevin. But how could I put myself in front of saving them, all of them? I couldn’t so I mentally started to compartmentalize all the feelings that were spiraling out of control and packing them nice and tightly away in their own little boxes. I’d let them out when the mission was over and I could say my goodbyes. Who was I kidding? The idea of letting Dean out of my arms was too painful to think about. What was I going to do when it was time to say goodbye forever?

Dean took that moment to snort and woke himself up. There were crusts in the corners of his eyes and a bit of drool dried on his chin. He looked bleary eyed and beautiful. I did what any fangirl in her right mind would have done. I giggled at him and kissed his cheek, razor burn and all.

 

After breakfast was eaten and the car was packed, Dean and I had some time to kill. We still had a two hour drive to Kansas City and I was no longer sleepy. So since I had Dean captive, I decided to interrogate him about why he tried to leave last night. But talking to Dean Winchester about his feelings was kinda like poking a hungry bear. Unless you were holding a picnic basket, you had better be prepared to run.

I scooted across the bench seat and laid my head against his shoulder, feeling the vibration of the Impala on my cheek through the fabric of his jacket.

“You gettin’ sleepy, Babe?” He wrapped his arm around me and I drank in the warmth of his attention.

I shrugged, “Not really. I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Ok, shoot.”

I hesitated, which was a mistake because sharks smell blood in the water, “Why did you try to leave last night?”

Bless him, he looked like a cornered animal. With Sam, he could just blow it off and or strong arm him into dropping the subject. He knew there was no getting out of this without talking about his feelings. And I had two hours to press just hard enough to keep him from dumping me on the side of the road.

He sighed and tried tactic number one, “Do we really have to talk about this now? We are about to go into a serious mission.”

“Dean, not only are we two hours away from our destination, we have been over every step of this plan a dozen times. We are prepared. I really need to know what is going on with you.” Tactic number one was toast.

Tactic number two, “Look, Dana, I don’t want to talk about this. We have a job to do. Let’s just do it.”

I was not fazed, “I know you don’t want to talk about it. That does not change the fact that I need to talk about this, whatever it is. Time is growing short and I am not going to save the world with unresolved issues.” I intentionally avoided using the word death. I didn’t need him to really retreat into his emotional man cave. Tactic number two taken care of.

He shifted in the seat and gripped the steering wheel harder. The tension rolled off of him like waves. I honestly think he would have rather I shot him.

“Dean, look at me please,” He glanced at me, barely, “I deserve to know what almost sent you running for the hills… again.”

With a resigned sigh, he began, “You are going to die.” He said nothing else.

“Yeah… and?”

“And? AND!? Have you even considered that even though you get to make this grand fucking gesture and save everyone that you are leaving people behind… people who care about you? You have yourself convinced that you are saving Sammy and me and that when you die it’s all going to be wrapped up in this tight little bow. But it isn’t! I have to stay here without you!” He slammed his hand on the steering wheel and I could see the muscles in his jaw twitch.

Turning a glacial glare in my direction, he growled, “You act like I am something special and that I should be treated that way… what about you?”

He then turned up the music so loud conversation was impossible.

I scooted back across the seat and looked out at the scenery going by. He had a point. I had this plan to save the Winchesters and that all would be back to normal after I was gone. I hadn’t considered that I was leaving my fingerprints in their lives as well. How could I know? Dean was beautiful and perfect. Why the hell would he have feelings for me? And in that moment something hit me. My plan was to convince Dean he was deserving of love. Why was I so adamant that I didn’t deserve his love in return? Why was that too much to hope for? What had I ever done that was so terrible that someone like Dean couldn’t love me? The minutia flying past us gave me no answers, it just raised more questions. 

 

After an hour of earsplitting metal, I was done with his sulking session. I reached across the seat and turned the music off. Dean looked more surprised than angry but it wouldn’t take much to send him down pissed off river.

“I have been thinking and, Dean, you are right. It was wrong of me to think that I was the only one affected by this situation. I’m sorry. I just have a very hard time with the idea that you are doing what you are doing for any other reason except for some sense of obligation or pity.”

Dean gave me a dead look and spoke quietly, “So, you think I am sleeping with you and taking care of you out of pity? Wow. And here I was thinking you had a super high opinion of me.”

He wiped his hand across his face and continued, “You claim to know me. Do you honestly believe I would give you a pity fuck because you are sacrificing yourself? Do you think I would put all the effort I have into taking care of you out of some sense of obligation?”

I shrugged, “Truthfully, yes. I have seen you put yourself last in dozens of situations time and time again. And it’s not like I am helping on a case by doing some research. I am laying down my life to save not just you and Sam but the world. So, yes, a pity fuck or two and a grilled cheese sounds exactly like something you would do.”

“I heard you and Sam talking in the library that night. I know he told you to put my needs before your own. And apparently you decided to listen. But what I can’t figure out is why you keep walking away. Is it too much sometimes? The weight of having to try and make me happy?”

“Dana, damnit! No! Pity has nothing to do with this… with us,” He wiped his face again so I knew I was hitting a nerve, “I like you, alright. You are beautiful and brave. You are smart and witty, and you give so much of yourself to whatever you are doing. You realized what you needed to do and you have just done it. No questions asked. And in return for saving the world, you wanted time with me. So what kind of fucking asshole would I have been if I turned down such an amazing woman? I’d have been a stupid one.”

He took a breath and squared his shoulders, glancing at me, “I keep walking away because I don’t want to get too attached knowing what’s going to happen. I am doing my best to give you what you want and still keep my distance but it’s getting really, really hard to. I have lost so many people in my life. And I know you are going to go. Can you understand?”

With another glance, I could see the naked pain in his eyes and I understood completely. Dean just did his best to declare his feelings. He truly cared for me and if I had time, if we had time, it might become something more. But there was no time and he was trying his hardest not to get hurt. Not only could I understand that, I was trying to do the same thing myself.

“Dean, I understand. Completely. This is just a no win situation that we are both trying to make the best of. Thank you for telling me how you feel. Consider the matter dropped.”

He looked over at me with a sort of stunned look and then smiled my favorite half grin. He held up his arm and I slid against the warmth of his side. I let out a deep sigh and started mentally counting the days we had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, here's the story... This chapter somehow got saved over. I was in a panic thinking I only had the chapter I was going to publish tonight finished and that was it. Then I realized that Chapter 28 and the one I was going to publish didn't match up. Luckily, I always send MoniJune, my beta, an email when I am finished with a chapter so she can edit it. So all was saved and everything is good. I just about freaked the hell out though. :)
> 
> My shrink took me off the offending medication so the rapid cycling has stopped but I am still going through some weird mood and physical stuff. I am sleeping like 14 hours a day (totally bizarre) but no more thoughts about suicide so I will take that has a trade off. :) 
> 
> Thank you ALL for the kind words of encouragement after my last note. You will never know how much that means to me. This story represents something in my life right now and I am so glad you have become a part of it. ALL of you!
> 
> Get ready because next Wednesday, the action begins!
> 
> #AlwaysKeepFighting... Love y'all...


	30. Chapter 30

Dean pulled into an empty parking space across the street from where Ajay was leaning against his cab. 

“That’s him,” I said to Dean. 

Dean opened his door and made sure his pistol was in the small of his back. 

“He’s not interested in trouble so stay calm, ok?”

Dean nodded to me, scanning the area to make sure there weren’t any surprises behind any corners. It was raining hard so I put up my hood on my jacket. 

I approached the dark man with facial hair and the Bluetooth earpiece, “Hey. You Ajay?”

He gave me the once over and with a leering grin answered, “For you, Sweetheart, sure.”

Dean stepped in front of me, “Now that that’s settled… I already know who you are and what you do. We want to do business.”

“But you are mortals. Why would you want to deal with me?”

“We need to get into hell. Two going in, three coming back,” I said, “Is that something you can do for a price?”

“It will cost you a pretty penny considering who you are.”

“And you know who we are?” Dean replied.

“You are Dean Winchester,” Ajay said, pointing at Dean.

Letting his eyes roam over my body, Ajay said, “And you are beautiful but obviously crazy to be seen in public with him.”

I laughed snidely, “What can I say? I have a weakness for the pretty ones. What is your price?”

He shrugged, “The Winchesters are resourceful. One day, you will owe me a favor.”

“Done,” I snapped, “Let’s get this show on the road then.”

Dean pulled me away from the street. “You just promised him that Sam and I would owe him a favor later? Are you nuts?”

I sighed, “He’s gonna get killed soon cause one of Crowley’s informants is just down the block listening. You have nothing to worry about but we need to get moving!”

I walked back over to Ajay, “Ok, let’s go.”

He nodded and walked us down the alley. Dean had his Purgatory blade stashed in his coat, the Knife in his waistband, and his pistol in the small of his back. I was holding an Angel Blade up my sleeve. We knew exactly what we were walking into and we were taking no chances. 

When we got to the gated area, Ajay whispered, “Take my hands.”

With Dean and I on either side of him, the alley disappeared and became what we both knew was Purgatory. 

 

When we arrived, Ajay let us know where to find the portal to Hell and that he would be back in exactly twenty-four hours. Then he vanished.

“Stay close to me. Don’t hesitate. Strike to kill. I know the place he’s talking about. It’s not far from here,” Dean ordered quietly.

I looked up at him and there was no fear in his eyes. He almost looked relaxed. Which, in a sick way, would make sense. This was familiar territory. 

“Dana,” he whispered, looking down into my eyes, “We gotta move. Standing still here is a death sentence. You with me?”

I wiped the fear from my features and nodded at him, “Yeah, I’m with you. Lead the way.”

 

We made good time to the spot where the three trees met. There was only one encounter with a monster. It charged me and I gouged the Angel Blade I was clutching up through its chin cleanly to the top of its head. Dean was clearly impressed. 

When we peeled away the rocks, the portal was calling us to enter its depths. Dean grabbed my hand, lacing my fingers through his, and we stepped through. 

There are no words to describe what I felt when we landed in Hell. All the happiness I had ever felt was stripped from me and replaced with… with… nothing. I was void. It was as though I never existed. No pain, no sorrow, no hope, no joy, no love. It was all gone. If I didn’t have the physical sensation of Dean’s hand in mine, I would have been lost.   
I pulled him to a stop and looked into his green eyes to ground myself. I was startled to see the same emptiness in his eyes as well.

“I know,” he said quietly, “Keep holding on to me. Don’t let go. I won’t let you go either.”

He bent his elbow toward his face and kissed my knuckles, “Remember why we are here and never forget that. You don’t belong here.”

“We don’t belong here, Dean. You never forget that.”

A glimmer of something passed through the nothingness in his eyes.

“We have to move.” he whispered.

I nodded and swallowed down the hole that was threatening to take me. 

 

We wandered down several hallways where the damned begged, pleaded, and screamed. I would scan each cell briefly before averting my eyes from the eternal damnation laid bare right in front of me. When I realized that I was soon going to die myself, I stopped short. What if I wound up here?

Dean turned on me as soon as I ceased moving forward.

“Remember what I said to you. You do not belong here… ever.” He was reading my thoughts. “Focus on Bobby. Let’s find him and get the fuck out of here.”

I shook my head to clear it and made sure not to let my mind wander. Looking to my left, I made out a familiar silhouette. 

“Dean? Isn’t that him?” I pointed into a cage.

The barred door was open so he entered, cautiously. 

“Bobby? It’s me. It’s Dean.”

Bobby took a healthy swing at Dean, which Dean cleanly ducked and hit me square in the nose.

“Fuck! You broke my nose, you old bastard!”

Bobby looked through Dean and said, “Get the hell out of here, you black eyed Son of a Bitch.”

“Bobby, listen to me, it’s Dean.”

“Yeah, right. Fuck off! I’m busy.”

I was getting tired of this. My nose was swelling and streaming blood down my face and Bobby was resisting being rescued.

“Ok, Singer. If he’s not Dean then how do we know about Tori Spelling. That’s right. You’re a fan.”

Bobby looked at me and then at Dean.

“And if he’s not Dean then how would he know that the free pedicure you got at the Mall of America changed your life?”

Bobby’s expression went from hatred to surprise to recognition. He hugged Dean fiercely and nodded in my direction. Dean finally glanced at me and noticed the blood. He handed me his bandana to mop it up. 

“Dean, what are you doing here? I’m sorry about the punch but you are the two hundredth ‘Dean’ I’ve seen today. That’s how they screw with me. Endless Sams and Deans, all with black eyes. Please don’t tell me you’re here because…”

“No, Bobby, everything’s fine. We’re here to get you out. You aren’t supposed to be here. Let’s get going before we run into more trouble.”

He handed Bobby the Knife and we started toward the exit. 

 

We were almost to the exit when we ran into a demon. Dean shoved us around a corner and stepped out to face him. Dean kept him busy while Bobby finished him with the Knife. I skewered the one coming up behind Bobby. I rushed to Dean’s side.

“Bobby, come on we gotta go!”

Another “Dean” was behind Bobby, “This way, Bobby! We have to hurry!”

Bobby turned and knifed the Dean that I wasn’t standing next to.

“Bobby? You knew that wasn’t me, right?”

Bobby shrugged, “I figured your girlfriend knew the difference.”

Funny thing is Bobby was right. I knew that was a demon and not my Dean.

Dean glanced at me and sighed, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

We got our bearings and made for the exit.

 

Once we were clear of Hell, Dean made the introductions.

“Bobby, this is Dana. Dana, Bobby Singer.”

Bobby stuck his hand out but I couldn’t help myself and I hugged him tightly.

“It is so wonderful to get the chance to meet you.” When I pulled away there were tears in my eyes. 

Bobby looked at me and back at Dean, “Am I missing something?”

I laughed, “Well, I am from another universe where all this is a television show. Sam and Dean visited there once courtesy of Balthazar.”

The light bulb went off for Bobby, “Oh yeah. That SOB took out damn near a whole wall in my library.”

I smiled and continued, “I came here with no memory of who I actually am in my own universe but an extensive knowledge of this one. So, I know a lot about you and what you did for the boys when they were younger. I just wanted to thank you for that.”

Bobby smiled, “Eh, it was no big deal.”

Dean chimed in, “As touching as this is, we really have to get moving. We’ve got some ground to cover.”

 

As we made our way to the portal, Dean filled in Bobby on the trials and closing the gates of Hell forever.

“So there are how many of these trials?” Bobby asked.

“There are three,” I answered, “Getting you out of there and to Heaven where you belong is the second.”

“Wait here,” Dean whispered, “Lemme scout ahead.”

Bobby and I nodded at him and ducked behind a tree.

“Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what you are doing but that brings up the question… Why are you doing it?”

I looked Bobby Singer directly in his wise eyes and spoke as plainly as possible, “Because I love Dean Winchester with all my heart. Where I come from, he’s fictional. Here, he’s real and if I don’t do this, a lot of really awful shit happens to him and Sam and I refuse to stand by and watch it happen when I can stop it.”

“Well then young lady, I am very sorry I punched you in the face.”

I laughed softly and spotted Dean giving us the all clear. 

 

We reached the portal with no trouble. Bobby had been filled in on what was going to happen next and when we got back. 

I stepped back to give the two men some privacy to say their goodbyes. Bobby hugged Dean tightly and whispered something in his ear. Dean raised his eyes to meet mine and I knew Bobby said something about me. I smiled and blushed. 

I walked over to Bobby and hugged him yet again. And then acting on impulse, I kissed him on the cheek. 

He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Be careful there, Little Lady. In my day, Dean would have never stood a chance.”

I blushed again and he continued, “Don’t give up on him. He’s stubborn as the day is long but he deserves a woman like you. Be patient and he’ll come around.”

“Yes, sir,” I whispered quietly. He didn’t know how the trials would end and I didn’t have the heart to tell him. All I could hope for is that we could share a drink in Heaven.

Dean cleared his throat, “Let’s get this show on the road. I hope Sam is waiting. Otherwise, it’s going to be a long walk.”

Just then, a group of vampires approached us from behind. 

“Do the spell! I’ll hold them off!”

Bobby cut his forearm with the Knife. I repeated the action and said, “Conjuncti sumus, unum sumus.”

His soul was absorbed into my body and I screamed for Dean, “It’s done! Let’s go!”

Dean had just beheaded the second of the third attackers and yelled back at me, “Head for the portal! I’ll be right there!”

“No way! I am NOT leaving you!” and I ran at him, brandishing the Angel Blade and the Knife. 

The vamp had him on the ground. Seeing that bloodsucker’s teeth anywhere near Dean’s neck was enough to make my blood boil. I took the Angel Blade and stuck it through the vamp’s chest, distracting it long enough for Dean to grab his Purgatory Blade and slice through its neck.

Dean stood, “You are absolutely insane! You could have been killed!”

“Leave now, argue later!”

We ran for the portal. Dean pushed me up the hill and we went through, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my last pre-written chapter in the pipeline but I am well into the next one so I don't think there will be any delays. :) Just send some good vibes my way. 
> 
> Thank you all again for the wonderful notes. I appreciate them so much. Always Keep Fighting! Love y'all!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late... I'll explain at the end. 
> 
> This chapter has a lot of the dialogue from "Taxi Driver", ep. 19, Season 8

Only when we were standing in the Hundred Mile Wilderness could I take a deep breath again. The hardest part of the second trail was behind us. My forearm was on fire and my nose was at a funny angle but at least we had gotten Bobby out of that awful place. 

Dean and I walked over the rise to see Sam waiting for us, a huge smile of relief on his face. He hugged Dean and me in turn.

“You got him?” he asked me.

I shoved up my sleeve and showed him my glowing forearm. 

“You get Mrs. Tran?” I asked hopefully.

Sam gave me a smile that would have lit up a city block. “Thanks to your intel, it was a cake walk. She’s back at the bunker and Cas has already healed her. Kevin said he’d do your laundry for a month.”

I snickered but Dean’s face went cold. 

Holding up my forearm again, “Let’s get Bobby out of here and to where he belongs. But remember, Crowley and Naomi are about to have a showdown. We are going to get thrown around a bit but it’s necessary.”

Both the men nodded at me and I drug the Knife across my forearm again. 

“Solvo haec phantasmata in terram, et inde ad olympum” Bobby’s soul streamed out of me in a bright blue, web-like haze and began his ascent toward the sky.

Before he got to the tree tops, blue turned black and purple and his ascent was halted.

“Hallo boys,” looking upward, he commented, “Bobby Singer. I’d know you anywhere.”

Dean scowled, “Let him go, Crowley. He doesn’t belong in Hell.”

“He does if I say he does. He’s inflicted untold damage on my kind. From where I sit actually, Hell’s too good for him.”

All three of us charged him for the completely untrue words.

“Really?”

Much to my surprise, the boys flew past me and were pinned high against two giant trees. I was left on the ground. 

Crowley approached me slowly, “And who might you be, Love?”

“Stay away from her, Crowley!” Dean yelled.

“Well, that answers that question. Can’t blame you for shagging her, Squirrel. She’s a peach.”

Dean struggled to get free, but it was no use. 

“You must be Crowley,” I looked him up and down, “I would have thought the King of Hell would be taller. Sounds like a serious case of short man syndrome to me.”

Crowley sneered, “You obviously have no clue who you are dealing with.”

“Now there’s where you would be so, so wrong… Fergus. I know more about you than even you do. Don’t fuck with me because I could make your life very complicated.”

“Insolent bitch,” and I found myself flung sideways into the bottom of the tree Dean was pinned to.

“Dana!” Dean yelled. 

I was clinging to consciousness and I heard a crunch from my ribs when I hit the tree. Where was Naomi?

I struggled to open my eyes but I heard Crowley exclaim, “What? Oh come on!” And I knew Naomi had finally arrived.

“Let me see if I have interpreted the situation correctly. The Winchesters have freed an innocent from Hell to which you are wrongfully trying to return.”

“Siding with them, Naomi? You don’t know those two, before they’re done, we’ll both be locked away.”

“I’m just hoping they lock you away, Dear. The rest I’ll figure out.”

“Bureaucrat. You’re fighting outside your weight class.”

“DON’T call me a Bureaucrat.” 

I felt more than heard Naomi use her powers to try and smite Crowley but he was long gone. 

Dean and Sam were released and adding insult to injury, Dean fell on top of me.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Dean frantically whispered in my ear, “You with me?”

All I could do was groan.

I felt Sam crawl beside me, “Is she ok?”

“No,” Dean replied and looked up at Naomi, “Heal her… now!”

Naomi walked over to me and touched my forehead. The pain was gone instantly and my head cleared. I could even breathe through my nose again. 

Dean helped me sit up and I made the introductions.

“Sam, Dean, this is Naomi,” I looked into her gray eyes, “Thank you for healing me.”

“You have an important job to do. Let me know if I can be of service again.”

She looked heavenward and with a flick of a finger, Bobby’s soul was again blue and Heaven bound. 

“She told you I could be trusted.” And with a flutter of wings, she was gone.

Sam and Dean hauled me up by my armpits.

“Let’s get this trial done.”

I nodded and repeated the incantation I had come to know and dread.

“Kah Nah Ahm Dar.” 

The orange flare started in my hand and traveled up my arm. I sank to my knees, gritted my teeth, and screamed through them. It was more intense than the last time and lasted   
longer. Not soon enough, the energy subsided and I was able to breathe.

“You ok?” Dean held my shoulders where I knelt. 

I tried to control my ragged breathing and replied, “Yeah. For now.”

I felt him look at Sam and I knew the look they were sharing. 

 

The ride back to the bunker was long and quiet. I slept most of the time in the back seat. The coughing fits that ended with blood leaving my body had already begun. I was constantly thirsty and either sweltering or freezing. The boys took turns driving and sleeping so we wouldn’t have to stop. Now that Crowley knew what we were up to, Dean wanted me in the safety of the bunker, ASAP. I could not have agreed more. I knew the bunker was safe and my bed would be comfortable. As much as I loved Baby, the backseat was nowhere to be when you feel like your lungs were trying to escape. 

I fell into a deep sleep somewhere in southern Indiana and did not wake until Baby was silent and Dean was lifting me from the car. 

“We’re home,” he whispered in my ear. 

Taking me into my room, he took off my shoes and clothes, washed my face, put me in clean pajamas, and laid me into my bed. I vaguely remember him coming to lie beside me but not much else after that.

 

I opened my sticky eyes to a fresh set of clothing at the end of my bed and a note from Dean saying to call him on his cell when I was up and he would come help me take a bath. I snorted at the idea, swinging my legs out of bed and stood up only to fall face first into the floor. 

“Shit!” I yelled. My lip was split open where I hit the bedside table. 

And of course, Dean heard my curse and came running in like the hero who was going to ruin my day. 

“I told you to call me so I could help you. Why are you so fucking stubborn?”

I raised my eyebrow at him, “Hello? Pot meet kettle.”

“Very mature. Let me see that cut on your lip.” He inspected it carefully and pronounced that it was going to need a couple of stitches, “Maybe this will teach you to listen to me.”

I rolled my eyes at him, “Not a chance in hell.”

He grinned, “You did listen to me in Hell.” 

Without much forethought, I stuck my tongue out at him. 

“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of her trial this evening.”

“Evening?” I asked, “How long have I been asleep?”

He shrugged, “Well, if you count backseat time… about 37 hours.”

“What?!” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa… Slow down there, Sleeping Beauty. I knew you needed rest. So that’s what you got. I have some food all ready to go for you. Feel like eating?”

The wave of nausea that hit said no but my growling stomach said yes, “Maybe something light?”

Dean snapped his fingers, “Gotcha covered. But I am going to need to stitch up that lip first.”

“Sadist.” And I stuck my tongue out again. I hit the split part of my lip and winced.

“Serves you right. Hunters are more mature than that.”

I gave him a puzzled look, “So I have been promoted from ‘pain in the ass’ to hunter now?”

He grinned at me, “Nope, now you’re just both. Stay put on that bed while I get the kit. Then you can have some food and a bath.”

I sighed. I was so tired. 

“Ok, but we probably should have a meeting and discuss strategy for the third trial. I really want to get this one done in a hurry.”

Dean stopped smiling and looked at his feet.

“Wow, you in a hurry to die?”

“No, Dean. Not even close. I’m just ready to see Crowley and all those other douches where they belong.”

Dean nodded but said nothing and left the room. 

No, I was definitely not in a hurry to die. But dragging this out any further was just going to make things harder at the end. Best to make it as clean a break as possible. Too bad capturing Crowley was going to take some time. 

A warm tingle went from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet as the idea dawned on me. Maybe we didn’t have to capture Crowley, after all. 

“Dean!” I screamed, “Get everyone together. I have a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very, very sorry this chapter was late. I have been a little off lately and writing hasn't been in the cards. I will, however, be more diligent in the future because the end of this story is rapidly approaching. 
> 
> Just so you are aware, there are currently no chapters pre-written in the pipeline and I have not started work on next week's chapter. I am going to give it my best effort though. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. Love y'all... #AlwaysKeepFighting


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I am late with the demon delivery... ;) I simply forgot to post. SPN moving to Wednesdays has me all messed up.

As promised, Dean stitched up my lip and brought me some chicken noodle soup. After he gave me a bath, he helped me dress in some sweats and insisted on carrying me to the library for the meeting. I was beginning to think that he just liked carrying me places. 

He set me in the same chair I had been in during the meeting just a few short days before. The déjà vu was not lost on me. I also realized this would be the last time we would meet like this if all went to plan. 

I glanced around the room to see everyone there, including the “person” this entire plan hinged on.

“Meg, thank you for agreeing to hear me out.”

She shrugged from her chair next to Cas, “If this is what Clarence promised me, I am all for it.”

I smiled at her because I loved the name Clarence, even if Cas doesn’t know what it means. 

I shifted in my chair slightly so I could face everyone else. Kevin was on my left sitting next to his mom, holding her hand. He nodded and smiled at me, gratitude written all over his features. Mrs. Tran also nodded but had a much more serious look on her face. She was haunted by what she had been through but that woman is tough as nails. She would be fine. 

Sam was on my right, between Dean and Cas. Everyone in the Winchester “family” was here, except for one person. 

As the thought crossed my mind, the laptop on the table dinged indicating there was an e-mail waiting. I looked at Sam, who went to close the laptop.

“No, Sam, check the email. If it’s who I think it is, she could help.”

Sam gave me a questioning look and pulled the laptop over to him. 

“It’s from Charlie. She says she’s in the neighborhood and found us a case.”

“In the neighborhood? How in the hell does she know where we are?” Dean said with raised eyebrows.

“She doesn’t, not exactly, at least. She said she tracked our phones to a twenty mile radius and the signal went out. Huh. This place must be in some sort of Bermuda Triangle.”

Dean’s eyes roamed around the room. “What are you saying that we can make and receive phone calls here and nobody can track us?”

Sam shrugged. Dean chuckled, “Man, I love this place.”

Sam picked up his phone and texted Charlie the address. Dean looked over at me with his eyebrow cocked.

“How did you know she was about to email us?”

“Honestly,” I began, “I didn’t. I just remembered that somewhere about this time in the storyline is where she pops up. By the way, the case she is talking about… it’s a rare type of djinn that feeds off of fear, liquefying the insides of its victims. Actually, it’s a coroner from a couple of towns over. Name’s Jennifer O’Brian. Might want to take care of her before she hurts anyone else.”

Kevin’s mouth was hanging open. Sam was looking at me like I was a psychic or something and Dean… well, Dean just looked outright astonished.

“How do you know all this?” Mrs. Tran said.

“It’s one of my favorite episodes. The Charlie episodes are my favorite.” I smiled shyly at her while I felt the blush creep up my neck. 

Then out of nowhere, the coughing returned. I couldn’t catch my breath. Dean was at my side instantly, trying to hold me still as I retched. I felt the blood splatter on to my hand. Looking down, I realized it was more than usual, a lot more. 

“Kevin, go get her a wet towel. Sam, get her a blanket,” Mrs. Tran was apparently running the show now. She crossed the room and put a hand to my forehead.

“I am going to make you some tea, Dear. It’ll help with the coughing.”

I nodded. The coughing has quieted but I still couldn’t talk. Kevin came back with a wet cloth and Dean took it from him, gently cleaning the blood from my chin and hands. 

Sam was back with a blanket and his Stanford sweatshirt.

“I should just give this to you, ya know.” He grinned at me but I could see the worry in his eyes. 

“Thanks, Sam,” I managed to croak out.

Sam’s phone chirped. “Charlie will be here in ten. I am going to wait on her.”

Dean didn’t even look up. He was gently rubbing circles on my back, trying his best to get my breathing even again. 

“Isn’t there something you can do, Cas?” Dean said over his shoulder. 

Cas sighed, “Dana is beyond any help I can offer. I am sorry.”

“I’m ok,” I stated plainly when my breathing returned to normal, “We need to get back to business.”

Mrs. Tran returned with my tea. Apparently someone had told her that I don’t like it overly hot. The motherly look in her eyes was almost my undoing. 

I took a sip and a deep breath. It felt like I had swallowed a box of razor blades but at least I was still breathing. 

Dean stood and walked back to his chair, sitting slowly, never taking his eyes off of me. 

In that moment I knew my hopes for a clean break with him, any of them really, was impossible. 

“Where were we?” I questioned, trying to banish the sad looks they were all brandishing at me.

“How can Charlie help?” Dean questioned.

“Well, I was thinking that she would be a great help in the research department. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the details of how to ‘cure a demon’ as well as I would have hoped. Those are not my favorite episodes.”

“I guess because Charlie isn’t in them,” Meg cracked.

Before I could stop myself, “And Dean doesn’t have sex…”

Everyone in the room stopped breathing for a split second before the laughter started. Even Dean was chuckling as he blushed.

I mouthed, “I’m sorry,” at him and he simply shrugged, mirth still playing inside his beautiful eyes.

The top door opened and Sam descended the staircase with Charlie in tow. I was actually relieved to see her. I guess it was because I was worried I was going to die without ever having met her. 

“Hola Bitches,” she smiled at the group. Dean walked around the table to hug her. 

“Whoa,” she suddenly exclaimed, “Is that Castiel?”

Dean did a double take. “How do you know about Cas?”

I cleared my throat, “She found the Supernatural books. So… yeah.”

Sam sighed, “We need to find every single copy of those books and burn them.”

Charlie and I said at the same time, “They’re online now so, good luck with that.”

She looked at me with wide eyes, “Are you like Missouri or something?”

I smiled openly at her, “Ummm no. But I do have some insight. I’ll fill you in later.”

She seemed satisfied with the answer and bounced around the table to an open chair next to Sam. 

“Let’s get this show on the road,” Charlie grinned, “Since you blew up my case, the least you can do is let me help with the saving the world thing.”

Her optimism was infectious. With her completing the puzzle, I knew we would be just fine. 

“Ok, let me fill you in on how the third trial was supposed to end. Crowley was going to the target of the ‘cure’. The plan was to lure him out of Hell with the promise of switching the demon tablet for the angel tablet. Then secure him with the demon-proof cuffs and drag his ass to hallowed ground. There he would receive a series of injections of purified human blood. Purified meaning cleansed by confession. Then, while reciting an incantation, he would be made human. Crowley would remain, just not as a demon.”

“What’s the procedure?” Sam asked.

I looked down at my lap, ashamed. What I wouldn’t have given for SupernaturalWiki right then. “That’s the part I can’t remember exactly. That’s why we have to track down the records where you guys originally got the info from. I know part of it is here in the bunker and the other part is held by a priest whose name escapes me at the moment. His name is in the film that’s in the dungeon.”

Dean’s eyebrows damn near shot up to his hairline, “Dungeon?”

“Yes, Dean, you two have yourselves a dungeon.”

Sam grinned, “Where is it?”

“I think it’s room thirty-one but I’m not one hundred percent sure. I know it’s in the low thirties. Like I said, not one of my favorite episodes.”

Mrs. Tran interjected, “You said that was the original plan. What is the plan now?”

“Well,” I started, “Instead of luring Crowley into a trap, why don’t we use someone who doesn’t want to be a demon anymore?”

All heads swiveled to Meg, who had been sitting quietly, “If I agree to this, I would no longer be a demon? But I’d still be me?”

“Yes, Meg. That’s right. I’m not going to lie. It’s going to suck start to finish but you will be rid of the evil that infected your soul all that time ago. You’d have a fresh start and a way to be with your unicorn.”

She gave me a half grin and looked over at Cas, “What do you say, Clarence, would you like for me not to be an evil bitch anymore?”

Dean piped up, “Not so sure getting rid of the demon is going to fix that.”

“Dean! Shut up!” I exclaimed at him.

Cas was still looking at Meg as though she was a treasure, “Yes, Meg, I think that would be something I would like very much.”

Meg held his gaze a few more seconds and then looked at me with steely eyes.

She said simply, “I’m in.”

I sighed with relief. This wasn’t going to be so bad after all. 

“So when are we going to get this show on the road?” Meg asked. 

Dean shot her an acidic look. Apparently Meg had not been made aware that I was going to die during this process.

“Well, we need the instructions for the ritual, which are in files in front of the dungeon door. Let’s start there. Then we can find the good father and get the rest of the information we need. And… someone should go off the djinn slash coroner.”

“Sammy and I can take care of that,” Dean offered.

“Actually,” Charlie interjected, “Since it’s my case, I should be the one to help. Sam and I can go.”

Dean looked like he was going to argue when Sam threw his two cents in, “Dean, stay here with Dana. Help her find the file room. We can take care of this.”  
Dean simply nodded and looked down at his hands again. Everyone else, including me, was stoked to get this mission over with and have those evil assholes back where they belonged. Dean just saw that I was going to die. 

“While you are looking, I will make us some lunch. Kevin, I think you should help them,” Mrs. Tran said.

Kevin nodded at her and kissed her on the cheek. She radiated love for her son. If I had done nothing else, I had brought them back together somewhere safe. That was worth dying for. 

“Ok,” I spoke above the din, “Let’s split up and get moving.”

Dean slowly walked over to me. “You are going nowhere except back to bed.”

“Dean, you don’t know what you are looking for. I do. I have to help with this.”

“No, you don’t. What you need to do is rest. The rest of us can take care of it.”

I shot up out of the chair, pulling myself to my full height and glared at him, “God damnit, Dean! You don’t get to make decisions for me. This is my fight and I intend to be a part of this no matter how hard you try to put me aside. I am not some invalid and I don’t want your pity!”

I turned and walked out of the room, ignoring the knees that threatened to buckle and the taste of coppery metal in my mouth. I was done being treated like a child. These were my trials and I was going to finish them no matter what Dean Winchester had to say about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading. :) I have noticed a decline in comments on the last few chapters. As a fanfiction writer, I am shameless in asking for attention so please, leave me a note and let me know what you think. Feedback is appreciated and craved. Love you guys... #AlwaysKeepFighting


	33. Chapter 33

I was putting on shoes when there was a knock at my door.

“Go the fuck away, Dean. I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“It’s not Dean,” Charlie said quietly.

“Well, in that case, come in.”

She opened the door only enough to slide through and closed it rapidly. I smiled openly at her. She still had her long red hair.

“I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I’ve never seen anyone besides Sam talk to Dean like that.” 

I laughed. It hurt but felt good at the same time. 

“I’m sorry for the display. We’ve been in close quarters for a while now.”

“Speaking of which,” she crossed the room and sat next to me on the bed, “what’s going on? Trials? Dean babying you?”

I cleared my throat and began the long story. It was good to tell her even though she asked a million questions. I felt like I knew so much about her already. 

When I was done, her eyes were like saucers. “Wow, this situation sucks. And you are sure you are going to die?”

I nodded and felt a lump in my throat. “I am a sacrifice. But it’s so worth it. Sam and Dean are way too important here. They can do so much more than I can.”

“But here’s the thing. I know Dean well enough to see that he really cares for you. He’s in the library, having himself a drink, which isn’t new or anything. But he looks like someone shot his puppy.”

Sighing loudly, my shoulders slumped with shame. Dean was only trying to help. 

“I know I looked like a total ass, Charlie, but he’s constantly trying to tell me what to do! He barely lets me walk. He tried to spoon feed me soup earlier. I am sick but I am not an invalid!”

She gave me her truest Charlie look, seeing right through my bullshit.

“Or… are you worried what this is doing to him? You obviously love him. And you know what he’s been through.”

Again, I sighed. She was right.

“Ease up on him. He’s doing his best. This isn’t an easy situation for him either. Dean doesn’t react well when it comes to matters of the heart.”

Boy, she hit the nail on the head with that one. But again, she was correct. I owed Dean an apology. 

Charlie tilted her head toward me, “Want me to send him your way?”

I chuckled. “Yeah. If you wouldn’t mind.”

“My pleasure.” She smiled at me again and departed as quickly as she came. 

I laid back on the bed and tried to relax the tense muscles in my chest. Right before sleep claimed me, I realized the pain in my chest wasn’t from the coughing.

 

I woke to Dean shaking me, calling my name with fear in his voice, “Dana! Dana!”

“What? Don’t you knock?” I replied grumpily.

He slumped in relief. 

“I did knock! Jesus, don’t do that! I thought you were dead!”

I rolled on my side and looked at him through my eyelashes. His profile still took my breath away. 

“Charlie said you wanted to talk to me,” he said somberly.

“Yeah, I do. Dean, I am so sorry for what I said. It wasn’t fair of me to lash out at you like that.”

He shrugged, as I knew he would. “You were right. I do treat you like a baby.”

I rolled up into a sitting position and placed my hand on his thigh.

“You are trying to take care of me. And I appreciate it, I do. But you have to let me help sometimes. Neither you nor Sam know what the dungeon room looks like. I’m   
not asking to go with you to find the priest or to do any of the leg work. I just want to get you on the right track.”

He nodded but still wouldn’t look at me. 

I reached my hand up to caress his cheek. And my heart broke when he leaned into my touch. I pulled his face to mine and kissed him tenderly along his jaw.

When he finally made eye contact with me, his green eyes were stormy. The look there was haunting. It was like he was looking at a ghost. 

“Dean,” I whispered, “pull away from me. Do what you have to do to protect yourself. I understand. I honestly do. Mrs. Tran can take care of me.”

His expression reflected how torn he was. He wanted to do what I was asking of him. He wanted to let me go. But his noble nature was at war with his self   
preservation. Or so I thought.

He leaned toward me and for a brief moment, I thought he was going to kiss my forehead, like he did when he said goodbye to Jo. My heart clenched painfully.

Instead, he placed a fiery kiss to my lips, pouring all his twisted emotions into one single act. My lip was killing me but I couldn’t care less. Dean wasn’t giving up on me. I had offered him the opportunity to walk away and he decided to stay by my side. 

He pulled away from me, his erratic breathing matching my own. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly, “No matter what happens. I am going to see this through.”

I couldn’t help but smile at him. “God, Winchester, you are stubborn.”

He gave me a half grin. “Takes one to know one.”

He stood and knelt in front of me, tying my shoelaces. “Let’s go find the dungeon.”

 

It was slow going. I wasn’t moving very fast but Dean didn’t just swoop me up in his arms like he had been. He let me lean on him and stop to catch my breath when needed. I was impressed with him. I could tell he was frustrated because his way was easier but I guess all those years of dealing with a headstrong little brother had made an impression.

When the dungeon wasn’t in the first ten rooms we checked, I agreed to let Dean take me back to my room so he and Kevin could do a more thorough search. They were just going to open doors and make a note of which ones held files. 

I fell asleep while they were searching and was awakened by Mrs. Tran, bearing a tray of soup and tea. 

“Dean said you liked tomato and rice soup,” she said smiling, “and that you didn’t like ginger tea.”

I smiled at her broadly. “He’s right and it smells wonderful.”

I shoveled a huge spoonful of soup into my mouth. “Good to see you hungry. That’s a good sign.” 

I sighed, “Mrs. Tran, Kevin told you what’s going on, didn’t he?”

“Yes, he did,” she said as she sat on the edge of the bed, “but that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. There is always room for hope.”

“I feel like resignation is a better option here. I don’t have the luxury of hope.”

“Dana, in my experience, hope is sometimes all that you have. You and Dean could both use a dose of it.”

I raised my eyebrows and she stood, leaning over to kiss my forehead. “I’ll be back to collect the tray in a little while. Rest when you are done.”

I found myself automatically answering, “Yes, ma’am.” 

 

Dean woke me to let me know they had narrowed the possibilities down to six rooms. 

“Ok, lemme get my shoes on.” I replied.

He helped by tying them for me and gave me his hand to help me up. My knees gave as soon as I was upright.

“Can I carry you?” he asked gently, “It will make things go faster.”

I furrowed my brow and gave him a dirty look.

He gave me my favorite smirk and teased, “You can lay your head on my shoulder.”

I couldn’t help but grin at him and replied, “Have at it, Winchester.”

He carried me bridal style like I weighed nothing. Picking up on my thoughts, he said, “You’ve lost more weight.”

I shrugged. What are you supposed to say to something like that?

 

We reached the third room of the six, seven B. It looked very familiar. I asked Dean to put me down and I stumbled to the back of the room, looking for the edge of a devil’s trap at the edge of the shelves.

“Yes! We found it! Dean, pull the shelves toward you.”

He came to my side and opened the shelving to reveal the dungeon behind them. 

“Holy crap,” Kevin muttered. 

“That’s an understatement,” Dean muttered under his breath. 

I pointed to the shelving unit behind where I was standing.

“Kevin, check the one right above the bottom… stack furthest to the right… second box down.”

He opened the lid and found a brown envelope. “That’s it!” I exclaimed.

Dean whispered in my ear, “I thought you didn’t like that episode.”

Shrugging, I admitted, “I didn’t. I remember visuals, not numbers. Besides, you didn’t take your shirt off so it wasn’t worth watching more than a couple of times.”

“Damn straight,” he smirked.

“Feels like there’s a film reel in here,” Kevin remarked.

“That’s exactly what’s in there,” I replied, “Let’s find a film projector and have ourselves a movie night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I am still writing one chapter at a time and I started a new job! Yay! I have a start on the next chapter but if I am late next week, please be patient. We are almost at the end. 
> 
> #AlwaysKeepFighting


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Beta, MoniJune, calls this chapter "the fluff before the storm". And she is right. :)

We all gathered in the library to watch. Mrs. Tran made us dinner. It was a wonderful meal full of conversation and laughter. Dean sat close, putting his hand on my back occasionally, grounding me in the moment. I let my gaze linger on each person, memorizing their faces. I wanted those images seared into my brain so I could pull them out and remember why I was doing this.

After everything was cleaned up, Mrs. Tran made popcorn and we settled in to watch. I was so tired but I didn’t want to leave. I wanted, no, needed to be a part of this. Beyond this point, there was the trip to see the priest and then the trial. So little time left.

Dean sat closer than he was at dinner, and I found myself with my knees curled under my chin resting my head on his broad shoulder. I sighed when he leaned over and kissed the top of my head. 

“You gettin’ sleepy, Beautiful?”

I yawned, “Always… but I want to stay, if that’s ok?”

“Of course, it is. I’m done bossing you around.”

“Like you could ever stop doing that.”

I looked up into his eyes and melted. He gave me a sweet kiss that lingered until Sam cleared his throat.

“Would you like to get started?” Sam quipped.

I blushed but Dean was as cool as ever.

“Whenever you are ready, Sammy.”

Sam started the projector. An image of a young priest, smoking a cigarette, appeared.

Since I didn't need to know the details, I allowed my eyes to fall shut until Sam spoke.

"Is that Abbadon?"

"No, that's Josie, the woman Abbadon possessed," I replied drowsily.

Sam gave me sturgeon face, and I closed my eyes again. I knew they would be watching and didn't need my input. Dean's shoulder was warm and safe.

 

The next thing I remember is Dean shaking me. 

"Come on, Baby. Let's get some rest. Long day tomorrow."

I didn't reply or protest when he hoisted me into his arms. I don't even remember being put to bed. I do remember his hot breath on my neck when he snuggled in beside me, and I remember feeling safe.

 

I woke to a cold bed. There was a note on his pillow telling me that they were getting an early start to St. Louis in the hopes they'd be back by tomorrow. I smiled at his hurried handwriting and hugged his pillow to my face so I could breathe in his scent, quickly falling back to sleep. 

 

My next coherent thought was that I was freezing and wet. I gasped in as much air as I could manage and screamed. 

All I could hear was Mrs. Tran’s voice, urgent and soothing, “Dana, sweetheart, it’s alright. We had to soak you in ice to get your fever down. You’re ok. You’re ok.”

I stopped screaming but I couldn’t speak because my teeth were chattering so much. 

“We need to get her out of this tub and dry,” Mrs. Tran said with authority.

“I believe I can help with that,” I heard Castiel say. I had yet to open my eyes. I was lifted out of the frigid water and on to my feet. I felt a warm breeze that brought goose pimples to my flesh, and I was immediately dry and swaddled in my pink robe and several blankets. Cas gathered me up in his arms and took me to my room. There, in my bed, I fell into a very deep, undisturbed sleep.

 

I was dreaming again only this time, I realized what was happening. I was sitting on a bed with the man from my earlier dreams. We were playing with a large orange tabby cat. The man had a red pipe cleaner, wrapped into a circle, and was throwing it off the end of the bed. The cat was chasing it and bringing it back. 

The man rubbed the cat’s head and said, “You are such a good boy, Connor.”

The cat meowed at him and pawed at his hand, wanting playtime to continue. I laughed at them and felt so much love.

 

I awoke with tears running down my face. I tried to raise my hand to wipe them away but found my right arm covered up by a fat orange tabby, purring and chirping loudly.

“Connor!?!” I scooped him up in my arms, covering his sweet face with a thousand kisses. He rubbed his forehead under my chin and went limp in my arms. We were happy to see one another. 

Castiel appeared in my room. The cat was startled but not enough to jump out of my lap.

“I felt the shift in reality. Are you alright? You are crying.”

All I could do was nod my head. The tears would not stop flowing. My beloved kitty was here with me. Dean was going to hate it, but he’d just have to put up with it for a couple of days. Then I’d have Cas find him a loving home. But, for now, I had found some comfort.

 

Mrs. Tran sent Cas to get everything on my list to take care of Connor. She even thought to get Dean some allergy meds. Connor seemed content living in my room. Mrs. Tran and Kevin had already fallen in love with him, and I had a feeling I wouldn’t need to worry about his care once my mission was over. 

I was still running a fever but at least I was lucid. Kevin had called Sam to let him know about my condition and the brothers had made the trip in less than twenty-four hours. Dean burst into the room and instantly began sneezing. Mrs. Tran handed him the box of Claritin and told him he’d better be nice to my kitty. We shared a secret smile as Dean popped one of the pills and came to the side of the bed to feel my forehead. 

“You’re still running fever,” he managed between sneezes. 

I nodded at him, eyes downcast. I knew how he felt about cats but I really wanted him to get along with Connor, for my sake. My baby kitty was lying across my leg, dozing and purring. Dean reached across me and rubbed his sweet, chubby head. Connor arched his neck into the caress and chirped, relishing the attention. 

I looked up at Dean, assessing his facial expression. There was no tension on his face, only kindness. 

“He plays fetch,” I told him, hoping to foster some sort of relationship.

Dean turned his head toward me, eyebrows raised. 

“Really? That’s cool.” And he smiled, broadly. 

Dean Winchester’s smile was something to behold. It was shy and genuine and made me feel all mushy inside. 

“Will you show me how to play with him?”

I smiled back at him, “I’d love to.”

I grabbed one of his red pipe cleaner circles off the nightstand and caught Connor’s eye. He hunched down and wiggled his butt. I tossed the pipe cleaner and Connor caught it in mid-air, promptly returning it to my hand. 

Dean laughed loudly, “That is the coolest thing!”

I laughed too, “Yeah, but he doesn’t have the attention span of a dog. He gets tired and won’t bring it back.”

“It’s still cool. You have a cat that plays fetch,” he replied, “Uh, why are the pipe cleaners red?”

I shrugged, “I’ve got no clue. He just likes the red ones better.”

Dean smiled again and kissed my forehead. 

“Sammy and I just got back. We are going to listen to the tape and get the exorcism for you. We are planning for the day after tomorrow,” he said with a catch in his voice.

“Plan for tomorrow, Dean. I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.”

He nodded, “Tomorrow then.” He leaned down and kissed me gently on the lips. “I won’t be long.”

Scratching Connor under his chin, he kissed my forehead once more and left the room. I could feel his pain mingling with mine. I didn’t want to leave. But I had no choice. I started this, and I had to finish it. 

The cat pounced on my hand moving under the covers. It made me giggle and instantly I felt better. We played for a few minutes before he curled up next to my feet and fell asleep. I dozed off with a smile on my face, watching the rise and fall of his furry belly. 

 

I felt more than saw Dean come to bed. He crawled in behind me and tried to be the big spoon but there was someone already there. I heard him sigh loudly and whisper, “Move it, fat cat. You’re in my spot.” 

Connor muttered at him but relented, moving down to sleep on one of my outstretched ankles. 

I couldn’t help but giggle at the interaction, remembering that Connor was a very talkative feline. I had forgotten to mention that to Dean earlier. 

“I was trying not to wake you. What are you giggling about?”

I turned to face Dean, eliciting a grumble from my fat orange cat.

“I had forgotten Connor is so talkative. He and I used to have all kinds of conversations. He’s a very smart boy.”

Dean whispered, “I can see that. He loves you very much. I am kinda jealous.”

I giggled again, a little louder than before. “Dean Winchester… jealous of a cat? That is absolutely fucking hysterical. I know why he is here, to bring me comfort. To help ease my sadness. And he has done his job so well. Just having him here, warm against my feet, makes my heart ache a little less.”

“Why is your heart aching, Babe?” he soothed, tucking my hair behind my ear. 

I drew in a shaky breath and decided to confess my heart.

“Because, Dean, tomorrow I am going to leave you. Again, someone you care for is going to die, and you can’t do anything to stop it. My job will be done and surely, I will be allowed into Heaven. But you will be here and I won’t be to you what I had hoped to be, someone who could love you unconditionally. Someone you could maybe share this crazy life with. Someone whom you could come home to without giving up the only life you know. Now, we will never know. But no matter the sadness I feel or even the feelings I am causing for you, I know in my heart that I have done and will do the right thing.”

My gentle crying had turned into sobs, but I soldiered on, “Dean, I may not know who I am but I know who you are. And all the loathing you feel for yourself is wasted effort. I know your heart, and I have seen inside your soul. You are good to your core. And that’s why I love you and that will endure into my afterlife. Please, don’t forget me.”

He placed both of his hands on either side of my face and in the dim light gazed into my eyes.

“How in the hell could you think I would ever forget you? You are the most beautiful, brave, kind woman I have ever known. You are giving up your life to save me and my brother. If you weren’t going through with this mission tomorrow, I would want you to be there when I get home from a hunt. I would want to lay my head next to yours every night. I’d even be willing to accept the hairball in our bed.”

I giggled through my tears. He continued, “And that should tell you how I feel about you. You have helped me feel something besides hatred for myself. I never thought I would feel anything wonderful again. You have brought something into my life I haven’t felt in so long.”

“What’s that?” I managed with a hiccup or two.

He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs, whisking away the fresh tears.

“Joy, Dana. You have brought me joy. And for that I will never be able to thank you enough. For that, I will never, ever be able to forget you.”

I leaned my face into his hand and whispered, “I love you, Dean.”

He hesitated and I looked at his heart-stopping face. He wanted to return the sentiment. He really did but he couldn’t. And I understood why. I put my hands over his and kissed his palm. He leaned in and kissed me with breathtaking gentleness. He couldn’t say the words, but he let his body say them for him. When he pulled away, he again gazed into my eyes and I saw something there that took all the aching from my chest. His green eyes were alight with an emotion I knew he’d seen in mine. They were full of love. That was all I had ever wanted or needed. My heart sang and all my fear of what I was doing just vanished. 

We laid there for how long I don’t know. Memorizing the curves of each other’s faces with our fingers and lips. Sharing what could have been a lifetime of memories in just a few hours. Eventually, we both drifted off to sleep, still touching. The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was Connor, curled into Dean’s legs. The last thing I thought before I closed my eyes was… I am ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers and friends, I am SO sorry I have been away for so long. Normally I would quip about my muse running away to some exotic land and getting in trouble. This time, I am just going to be honest. I have been in a deep depression, leading to a major med change, Lithium, that has not gone well and I now have to decide if I can live with the side effects. I see my shrink tomorrow so we'll see what she says.
> 
> I am also going to announce that this chapter will have two more brothers and that will be it. All that is left to be done is the ceremony and I should be able to grind that out in a chapter and then the subsequent aftermath of the ceremony. Brace yourselves, people. Muah ha ha ha!!!! 
> 
> I am eager to get started on the ceremony so you should see it shortly. Screw my Muse. I can work without her. :)


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, this is the "fluff before the storm" part 2...

He woke before I did. We laid there, side by side, not wanting to get out of bed and face the day. But when the fate of the world is in your hands, there are no sick days.

Connor eventually forced me from under the covers, begging to be fed. Once his crunchies were in his bowl, I returned to the arms of the man I loved. He held me close, breathing in the scent of my hair. I was doing the same, committing his amazing scent to memory so when I came across his replica in Heaven, they would share that wonderful smell of cheap whiskey, sweat, and leather. I memorized how his arms felt wrapped around me. I even embedded the sound of his heartbeat into my subconscious. That way, I would always be able to find him. 

Our time alone was not nearly long enough. Sam knocked and the cat traitor meowed for him to come in. Connor had grown very attached to the tallest and most soft-hearted Winchester. Sam played with him for hours, never tiring of his antics and cheerfully finding the pipe cleaners that went under the furniture. I was beginning to think there was going to be a war over who was taking the kitty home when I was gone.

“You guys hungry? Mrs. Tran is making a feast,” Sam asked after giving the cat some attention.

Dean looked at me, weary. He didn’t want to eat either, but he knew I had to. I was going to have to get eight syringes of blood out of my frail body so food and liquid were necessary. 

I looked away from Dean’s grim face and said to Sam, “We’ll be right there.”

Sam stooped to scratch the cat’s ears, gave us a sad smile, and left. 

I stood to get dressed, feeling stronger than I had in weeks. I refused to face death showing weakness. Dean grabbed my arm and pulled me back on the bed. 

Sitting next to him on the bed, I pulled my hand free of his. 

“Dean, we have to get a move on. This is going to be a really long day, and I am going to be very disappointed if Kevin has eaten all the pancakes.”

He gave me a small smile and released my hand. I again stood to put on real clothes. I was going to face this in my badass Angel-killing outfit. I didn’t feel like makeup, but I did pull my hair back into a ponytail and made sure I looked the part as much as I could. Dean brought me the same jacket from his closet that I had worn to kill Metatron. He knew that jacket made me feel like a hunter. He held it for me while I slid it on to my thin frame. 

The woman looking at us in the mirror was not the same woman that killed Metatron that day. The woman looking back at us was covered in a sheen of sweat and was much thinner. There was one commonality that gave me hope. I had the same determination in my rich brown eyes. I was going to follow through with this, no matter where it took me. 

 

Dean looked at me in the mirror and said, “You’re ready.” He was right. I turned from him and headed toward the bedroom door. The time for agony and sadness was over. It was time to do my job. And I was damn well going to get it done today.

 

Breakfast was a quiet affair. The only conversation was to ask for serving dishes to be passed. Dean hovered close to make sure I ate as well as I could but there was no need. I stuffed myself on most likely the last meal I would ever have. The only thing that wasn’t different was that Dean made my tea for me. I didn’t even try to dissuade him. Normalcy was good for both of us.

Mrs. Tran and Charlie cleared the table. The rest of us just sat there, not really wanting to get started but realizing that’s why we were here. 

“Sam, is everything set up in the dungeon?”

Sam lifted his eyes and replied, “Yeah. Other than Meg, we are ready to go.”

I turned my eyes to Cas, “Castiel, for the spell to work, my blood must be purified. I have to give confession. Who better to confess your sins but an Angel?”

He cocked his head at me, perplexed, and I almost laughed. “That is an acceptable assumption. I will hear your transgressions and to purify your blood. I shall prepare a suitable venue in the bunker for such a rite.” He rose stiffly from the table and vanished. 

“Meg, are you ready?” I asked.

Meg simply nodded. She was ready not to be a demon so she could have a shot at a future with Cas. 

“Meg, I thank you.”

“Please, don’t thank me,” she replied, “I am the selfish one here. I just wish there was a way that left us both alive.”

“I agree. But what’s done is done. Let’s just get it over with. Would you head to the dungeon and let Sam get you set up? I’ll be there momentarily.”

Again she nodded and left the room headed for the dungeon. 

I stood and walked to Mrs. Tran, “Would there be any way…”

“Yes, sweetheart,” she interrupted, “I will make sure Connor is well taken care of. He already has   
all of us wrapped around his little paw.”

I smile down at her, “Yeah, he has a way of doing that. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.”

“It’s my pleasure, dear child.” She gave me a mother’s hug, and I found myself tearing up.

I turned to Sam, “May I speak to you in the library?”

He nodded and I rose to go with him. Dean tried to follow. “Give us a second, ok?”

Dean pouted a little but sat back down at the long table, refilling his coffee cup.

 

Sam and I stood side by side, leaning against the library table. 

“What did you want to see me about?”

“Sam, I wanted to ask you to look out for my cat. He has taken to you.”

Sammy smiled and all was right with the world, “He’s a great cat. But that’s not why you asked me in here.”

I shrugged, “You are right. Please look after Dean. I know you always do but Dean has a way of shutting people out when he’s hurting. And I know this is going to hurt him. And I need you to know that knowledge causes me great pain. All I have ever wanted is for Dean not to hurt. And now I am causing it. Please don’t let him lose himself too much in the bottle or in the job. He will need you.”

“And who’s going to help me with the pain?”

I gave him a questioning look and he replied, “Dana, Dean isn’t the only one who is going to be hurting when you are gone. I care about you too. We spent so much time together when you were in the hospital. Hell, you know more about me than Dean does. That kind of friendship isn’t easy to forget.”

I stood next to him, absolutely gobsmacked. I had no clue he felt that way. So Dean wasn’t the only one who was going to miss me. 

As if he were reading my thoughts, he said, “Mrs. Tran, Kevin, Charlie, hell even Cas is going to miss you. You are a part of the Winchester family. And losing one of us isn’t something taken lightly. We all love you too.”

He pulled me into his arms and held me to his chest. I could do nothing but cry on his shirt. 

When he pulled back, he crooked a finger under my chin and gave me a sweet, loving kiss. There was no passion or romance in it… just honesty and gratitude. I tucked that little memory away to pull out when this got rough. 

Cas fluttered into the room, scattering papers everywhere. “You guys should seriously invest in some paperweights,” I remarked. 

“I am here to take you for confession.” 

“Ok, Cas,” I turned to Sam, “Meg is on her way to the dungeon to get ready. I’ll be right there and we can get this show on the road.”

Sam nodded and trotted out of the library. 

“Are you ready?” Cas asked me.

I nodded and he touched my forehead, whisking me away from the library table.

 

When we landed, I am so glad I remembered to bend my knees. Even though we were still in the bunker, those little trips are bumpy. 

Cas had set up an area away from the main rooms of the bunker. There was a small round table with incense burning atop and two chairs on opposite sides. It was quiet here.

“Whatever you wish to say to me in this room will stay here. And I am prepared to absolve you of the sins you have committed. Please, sit.”

I sat in one of the wooden chairs and faced him. His look was serious but kind. He appeared to be as nervous as I was. 

“What do you wish to be forgiven for, Dana?”

I started hesitantly, not sure what to say but once the words began to flow, I couldn’t stop them. I told Cas what I thought was my greatest sin was, coveting Dean. That lusting after him was a sin and that having him, knowing I was just going to leave was a horrid sin that I wasn’t sure was worth forgiving. And all the people that I had grown to love and who loved me in return were going to be hurt by my sacrifice. All of it. I told him everything. And he never interrupted. 

When I was done, he looked at me, with his perplexed head tilt and spoke softly, “Dana, I see absolutely no sin to absolve you of. You did not take anything from Dean that he wasn’t willing to give. The same logic goes for all the other people in this bunker. The only sin I believe you need absolution of is the murder of Metatron. Murder is a heinous crime, no matter the reason, but under the circumstances, it can be forgiven. Give me your hand.”

I slid my hand across the table toward him. He surrounded it with his own and my hand began to glow blue . He spoke several words of Enochian and I felt a tingle zip through my veins. 

“You absolution is complete. You are ready for the last trial.”

I stood and thanked Cas for everything he’d done. He touched my forehead and I was in my bedroom. Dean was sitting on my bed, stroking Connor’s head. He jumped and so did the cat. Once my fat feline realized it was me, he sauntered over and rubbed his head into my hand. I picked him up and he loved on my face, purring loudly. 

“Hey Buddy, I need you to do me a favor, watch out for these boys, ok. They are going to need a tough cat like you around. Never forget how much I love you, big boy.” 

I set him down and he wasn’t real thrilled about it. Dean took his place, however. He wrapped his arms around me in a none too gentle fashion and held me tight. He was my last goodbye. And the one that was most painful. My chest felt like it was ripped to shreds. 

I pulled away because I couldn’t breathe. I thought I was ready for this. 

“Dean, we said our goodbyes. I don’t think I have the strength to do it again.”

He merely nodded and let his arms go limp at his sides. 

“Take care of my cat or I swear I will haunt your ass.”

He looked up and smiled through the unshed tears. 

“Let’s go get this done, Winchester.”

I turned and walked to the door, I dared not look back to see either Dean or Connor. I had to let them go. I walked out into the hallway and closed the door behind me. Sinking to the floor, I wrapped my arms around my knees to try and hold myself together. I wept until I couldn’t breathe. And then I cried some more. When the wracking sobs turned into hiccups and the tears dried, I pulled myself up off the floor and slowly walked to the dungeon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, folks. With a burst of creative energy, I wrote 4 chapters in less than 24 hours and the story is complete. I am not going to make you wait any longer and am going to release the last couple of chapters right after this one.


	36. Chapter 36

Meg was sitting in a metal chair in the middle of the room, chained to the arms and legs, wearing a spellwork etched collar. She looked like a trussed up turkey ready for Thanksgiving. I almost chuckled at my joke until I realized what I was about to do. 

“Is this really necessary?” Meg asked, voice dripping with sarcasm, “I volunteered for this, remember?”

“Of course I remember, Meg,” I replied, “This has nothing to do with your trustworthiness. It has to do with the fact that we have no idea how you are going to react when we start the treatments and you are a very powerful demon. You have to understand our cautiousness.”

She made the sturgeon face and nodded. 

“Are you up on the procedure here? Any questions?” She shook her head no. 

“I will try to make this as quick and painless as possible, for both of us. Shall we get started?”

She shrugged as much as possible when bound tightly by iron chains and said, “Let’s get this weird-ass show on the road. I have a date.”

I knew she meant Cas so I nodded and walked to the table to get the syringe. Sam tied off my upper arm and we found a vein quickly, I took a deep breath and Sam slid the needle home, getting a flash on his first try. He drew out the blood and taped a band-aid over the oozing wound. I snickered at the idea of getting an infection but whatever made Sam happy. 

I walked over to Meg and tilted her head to the side. We had already told her there was no way to do this delicately. I looked at her and she nodded slightly. I jabbed the needle into the muscle in her neck and pressed the plunger, emptying my blood into her veins.

Once it was done, my hands glowed orange faintly and I got woozy. Sam caught me and put me in the chair by the door. Kevin had already started the timer for the next injection in an hour. 

As my head cleared, I realized Dean wasn’t there. We had agreed that he would be there. Come to think of it, he hadn’t come out of my room. I really couldn’t blame him. If our positions were reversed, I couldn’t watch this either. I felt selfish thinking how much his face would give me courage and soothe me right now. 

 

We were into hour four and both Meg and I were feeling the strain. Meg was moaning continually and my arms hadn’t stopped glowing since hour three. I felt feverish and Meg’s eyes had gone black. Kevin had tried to wipe her brow with a cool towel and she’d tried to bite him so she had been gagged. And Dean still had not come. 

I guess I had been right. We had said our goodbyes but a part of me believed he would want to be with me when I was taken. There was a part of me that was pleased that he couldn’t witness this. That maybe, I meant more to him than he admitted. It took some of the sting out of the situation and I knew that deep down, Dean was essentially a selfish creature. Especially when it came to feelings. And watching this happen would evoke feelings he wanted to avoid. I got it. 

Sam tapped my shoulder and brought me out of my revere. It was time for Meg’s fifth injection. He tied off my upper arm again and inserted the needle. I had stopped feeling it a couple of hours ago. 

When his breath hitched, I looked down at the syringe. My blood was glowing a faint orange. Apparently as my blood grew stronger, the demon part of Meg grew weaker. I stumbled to her chair, grabbed her hair, and jerked her head to the side. She’d stopped cooperating with us so the roughness was necessary. I quickly jabbed the needle into her neck and stepped back. Meg began writhing in her chair just as the glowing in my arms intensified. A wave of energy burst forth from me and I collapsed. I braced myself for the impact of my knees with the concrete floor but it never happened. Someone caught me. And it wasn’t Sam. 

The light faded from my forearms, and I looked to see who had caught me. It was Dean. Looking concerned and contrite at the same time, he dragged me to the chair I had been using and brushed my hair out of my face. 

I smiled at him, “Better late than never.”

“Well, you know me. I have to make an entrance.”

He cupped my cheek and my head lolled into his touch. 

“How you doin’, Sweetheart?” He took a cool rag and wiped my forehead.

I grinned at him. I loved hearing those little terms of endearment.

“Not too bad. I think I’d rather be stabbed in the face with a fork but otherwise…”

That comment got a smirk out of him. “Anything you need?”

“You. Just you.”

He pulled me into his arms and whispered into my ear, “I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I was being a dick. I’m not going to leave your side again.”

Over my shoulder, I saw Charlie standing at the entrance to the dungeon. She gave me a tight smile and I knew I had her to thank for bringing Dean to me.

I kissed his neck and replied, “No worries, Handsome. Enough with the chick flick moment. Get me some Gatorade?”

He chuckled and opened the bottle for me. I chugged about half of it at once and burped loudly. 

“Such a lady,” he teased.

“Fuck you, Winchester,”

“Ah, true love,” Sam quipped and the tension in the room lessened. 

Dean was by my side again and there were three injections to go. With that man by my side, I could get through anything.

 

After the seventh injection, I could no longer walk without assistance. My breathing was labored and my arms were not just glowing, they were burning. Kevin had left the room. He apologized but it was ok. This scene wasn’t pretty. 

Meg was growling around her gag and thrashing constantly. Sweat dripped from her brow as she struggled to get free. Even if she could have gotten out of the chains, the Devil’s Trap on the floor would have held her fast. I felt sorry for her. I had loving support and encouragement. She was alone in her fight. 

Dean was cradling me against his chest while we sat in a rickety folding chair. He was simply running his fingers through my hair. We’d stopped talking a while ago. 

Sam stood stoically against the wall, watching Meg intently. His eyes would wander to Dean and me occasionally but they didn’t linger. 

All too soon, the timer went off for the last injection. I used the last of my strength to push away from Dean and look deep into his eyes. We said nothing. 

He sat me in the chair and once again, pulled blood from my body. By this time, it was glowing as brightly as my arms. He helped me over to Meg and set me in front of her. 

“Meg, this is the last injection. It will all be over soon. Sam, get behind her and be ready to take the gag.”

Sam got into position as I grabbed her head and held her steady. I plunged the syringe into her neck. Light swarmed all around us and after hours of struggling, her head went limp. 

“Sam, now!”

He grabbed the gag and stripped it free. I reached behind me and felt the hilt of Dean’s knife hit my palm. 

As I sliced the sharp blade across my other palm, I began to recite the exorcism.

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, hanc animam redintegro. Lustra! Lustra!”

I covered her mouth with my palm and her eyes flew open. The ensuing explosion blew me off my feet. 

 

I found myself staring at the ceiling of the dungeon. The glow had left my arms and for the first time since the I started the trials, I felt whole again. I turned my head to the side in time to see Meg’s eyes go from black to brown. 

She looked at me and whispered, “Thank you.”

Dean came into my field of vision. He was frantically stroking my hair.

“Dana! Baby? Don’t go. Come on! Stay with me!”

I looked upon his dear, sweet face and with my last breath I told him I loved him. I felt my eyes closing and as much as I fought, they would not reopen. The last thing I heard was the strangled, anguished whisper of my beloved Dean.

“I love you too.”

 

Now the rest of this story I heard second hand. I was dead at the time. 

 

Cas appeared in the dungeon and quickly released Meg from her restraints. He found Dean staring at my dead body in disbelief. Sam was sitting close by, staring off into the distance. 

Cas tilted his head to the side and said quietly but urgently, “Sam, Dean, take her hands! Now!”

Cas zapped them outside the bunker along with my body. And much to their surprise, Naomi was waiting. 

She stepped toward them, “Castiel, thank you for hearing my call. Dana has successfully   
completed the trials. All the demons that were roaming the Earth were returned to their rightful place and the gates of Hell are closed forever. There is much to rejoice.”

Dean glared at her, “You go right ahead, Lady. Some of us don’t feel much like a party.”

She looked at my broken body and sighed, “Her sacrifice was not in vain. And has not gone unnoticed. She willingly gave her life to rid the world of demonic evil. And that act of bravery deserves a reward.”

All three of their heads snapped up at the thunderous sound of wings. Thousands upon thousands of them. Angels appeared… everywhere. 

Naomi swept her arms wide, “The host of Heaven is on Earth to try and give back what has been taken.”

Cas interjected, “But a sacrifice has to be made to complete the spell.”

Naomi tilted her head to the side, “And a sacrifice was made. No where in the text does it say we can’t try and bring her back. Castiel, join with us and we will make it right.”

Cas stepped in between Naomi and another random angel and stretched out his arms, the light of his grace merging along with the others. The blue glow could be seen for miles around. 

Naomi stepped forward and knelt next to me. 

“Dean, take her hand. Let her feel your love.”

He took my hand and closed his eyes. Naomi placed her palm on my forehead. The light of a hundred thousand angels’ grace raced through her, blowing out power transformers in five states. My body arched and spasmed. Dean screamed with exertion but he did not let go. 

The light suddenly went out and Naomi was breathless. Dean was limp from exhaustion. 

 

I opened my eyes to the stars of the Kansas sky. My chest heaved, taking in a giant breath, tainted with the smell of grass and rain. From my left side, Dean’s face came into view. 

“Dana?” he said quietly.

I was still gulping in air and wondering how in the hell I was alive and why was I outside so, I nodded.

He threw himself on me and the breath I had fought so hard for was suddenly ripped from my   
chest in one big whoosh. I tapped him on the back and he pulled back suddenly.

“Oh! Sorry!” 

I smiled as I got my breath back. I had only one question.

“What the fuck?”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you really think I was gonna kill her? Sheesh...

Sitting in one of the comfy chairs in the library, surrounded by family and friends, I couldn’t have been happier. 

Between Sam, Cas, and Dean, they had filled in the details of my death and subsequent resurrection. According to Cas, the host of Heaven had never been on Earth all at once before. And it was all Naomi’s doing. I had a happy feeling that maybe, just maybe, Heaven would straighten itself out. 

Charlie had left shortly after finding out I was alive. She had a line on a haunting in Colorado and was going to check it out. I knew she’d be back. 

Meg was as human as I was. She was still snarky and surly but no longer demonic. Cas had not left her side since our return to the bunker. 

Kevin and Mrs. Tran had decided to stay for a little while, just to make sure Heaven was going to behave before venturing back to their home. Truthfully, I don’t think they wanted to leave Connor.

Sam stood in the corner watching the happy scene with a serene look on his face. We locked eyes briefly as my mug of tea was being refilled and he smiled and nodded. That was all he had to do. We understood each other. He could finally start thinking about a life away from hunting. 

Dean was sitting on the arm of my chair. He had stayed close but something was off. I made a show of yawning loudly.

“Well, guys,” I said as I stood, “I could use a good night’s sleep.” I looked back at Dean with the question on my face. 

“I’m gonna stay up for a little while,” he muttered. 

I shrugged and bid everyone good night. There were tight hugs all around, even from Meg. 

When I opened the door to my room, there was a fat orange cat lying at the end of my bed, looking at me as if to say, “Where have you been?”

Yeah, I closed the gates of Hell but it took a lot more than that to impress the cat.

 

After playing with Connor for more than an hour, Dean still hadn’t come to bed. I decided to take a shower. I smelled like sweat and burnt hair. Side effect of glowing and burning, I guess. 

Dean had been right about one thing, the water pressure in the bunker was fantastic. Its steady pounding took the remaining tension out of my neck. I was leaning my head back, rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, when I just sensed him there. 

I wiped the water out of my eyes and looked. And he was there. Naked and hard. The look he was giving me turned my ovaries into dust. 

He crossed the space between us in one long step and crushed his lips to mine. He tasted of cheap whiskey and need. The combination actually made my toes curl. 

This was a different Dean. There was nothing sweet about the way he was taking me. It was all friction and greed. I soon realized we both needed this. He’d been treating me like a china doll for far too long. 

I pulled away from him and grabbed his hair, exposing his neck, biting and sucking not so gently, marking him as my own. 

He growled and spun me in his grasp, bending me over and shoving his hard cock into me in one swift move. 

I put my hands on the shower wall so I could push back into him. He grabbed my hips and fucked me hard and deep. 

The pace was punishing, and it wasn’t long before we were both grunting and writhing. He traded one of my hips for my hair and pulled my head back, forcing a small scream of ecstasy from my lips. 

After a few more thrusts, I felt him tense as he emptied himself into me, groaning loudly as he came. Hearing that sound threw me over the edge as well and the power of it all was so intense, my knees folded. He grabbed me by the waist and lowered me to the shower floor. 

He quickly stood, rinsed himself off, and left the bathroom without a word. I was stunned. The water continued to wash over me as the tears started to flow.

I dried myself off and donned my pink fluffy robe. Connor, as always, comforted me with his purring and head rubs. After a couple of minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I got angry. And went in search of Dean.

 

He was in the library with a glass of whiskey attached to his hand. He heard me come up behind him and only turned to see who it was. He turned back to stare at the table, hair still damp from our shared shower.

I grabbed the glass from his hand and slammed it on the table, breaking it and cutting myself in the process.

“What the fuck is your problem? How dare you treat me like that?” Tears threatened to come but I beat those bitches back. I wasn’t about to play the simpering female card. 

He glanced up at me, his expression dead. But in that one glance, I saw what was in his eyes. He was scared. 

My heart softened. I knew what was going on. It was ok to love me when I was leaving. But now that I was alive, he didn’t know what to do. So he was trying to push me away.

“Dean,” I began softly, “no matter how much you push, no matter how much you hurt me, I am not going to leave. You are going to have to figure out how to deal with what you are feeling because I love you, and that isn’t going to change. Take all the time you need. I’ll be waiting.”

I turned on my heel and walked away. I had no clue if he would need a couple of days or a few years but I knew my words were true. I wasn’t going anywhere. 

 

With my kitty snuggled into my tummy under the covers, I had fallen into a deep sleep. When his weight hit the bed, I sighed. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered brokenly in my ear, “I’m so sorry, Baby. Please forgive me.”

Sleepily, I replied, “There’s nothing to forgive, Dean. I know you are scared. So am I. The timetable is gone, and there are no rules. Let’s just make this up as we go along, ok?”

He snuggled his nose into my neck and replied, “God, you are perfect.”

I chuckled and snuggled closer to him. 

“You keep thinking that and we are going to do just fine, Winchester.”

I felt his smile in my hair as the three of us drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, folks. That's it. This has been a serious labor of love for me. Thank you all for taking your time to read.
> 
> I need to thank my amazing best friend and beta, MoniJune, who has always been my cheerleader. Thanks, Spanky.
> 
> And although he will never read it, I want to thank my husband for putting up with my obsession and for being ok with me loving another man, even though he's fictional. :)
> 
> So, one more thing, I have an announcement. I couldn't leave well enough alone so... there's going to be a sequel! I am VERY excited about this one. Since I pretty much blew up canon, this story is off the rails and I honestly have no clue where it's going to end up so, pack your bags. :D 
> 
> Thank you all again for reading and commenting and I'll see you all back for the sequel! :)


End file.
